Happy New Year!!!

The end of 2009!!!!!!!! So long sucka!!!!!!!! You have been dismissed!!!!!!!!!!

Let's lovingly embrace all that 2010 will bring into our lives. Health, happiness, love, peace, prosperity, comfort and joy. All that and then some ya know!!!!

Hoping 2010 is all that you want it to be. I'm sooooooooo looking forward to what this new year brings to my life. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I made it yall!!!! Never could have made it without Him!!!!!!

From the Brown House to yours, have a very Happy and Healthy New Year!!!

Big Bunny hugs, peace and love!!

Christmas 2009

This Christmas was THE BEST EVER!!!!!!!!!

Last year at this time I felt as if I was going to die. I was lying in a bed with a horrific, highly contagious, infection from hell (CDIFF), healing from cancer surgery and thrown in a hellacious pit of menopause from having a hysterectomy. Just sick, sick, sick.

What a difference a year makes!!!!!!!!! Whoooooooo Hoooooooooooo!!!! Thank You Jesus!!!

On Christmas Eve I went with a few fb friends to an area under Lake Shore Drive where the homeless stay and gave out bags of toiletries and food. It is incredibly sad to see them with all their belongings under the city and in the cold. I wanted to cry but seeing them smile and thank us was heartwarming. The guy that organized this, locked his keys in his car that day. So he busted the window out and cut his hand badly. Fool had the nerve to post the damn pic too. Just yuck. So he couldn't come with us. Just us three women. Over 29 people said they would come and help but you know how that goes. *sigh* I think we passed out about 50 bags in all.

Later , Mom and I went to midnight, well 10:00pm mass at her church. Then we came home and watched the Pope get tackled by some deranged woman, (poor Pope). Watch his security detail increase by a thousand. What is it with folks wanting to harm the pope? I so don't get it man. Folk just straight whacked out there in the world!!!

Got up early the next morning to take 2 pans of dressing over to my church to help feed the homeless and needy for Christmas. It was packed!!!!!!!!! Our pastor said the need was going to be great as our church gave out over 700 turkeys this year and had to turn away soooooooo many. He was distraught over that because I don't think he ever had to turn folks away. The economy has got to get better man!!!

Came home opened gifts with mom and then passed out cookies and cards to the neighbors in the snow and rain!!! Loved it!! LOL!!!! Still have three bags to pass out because two neighbors weren't home and another had their gate locked.

Back at home again I had a quick bite to eat then we left to go to my Dollface's house. She had a house full of folks! She has an extremely big fam and her 6 cousins live right next door to her LOL!!! She gave me the cutest candle holder and votive. I'm a candle fanatic. I light them just about everyday! One of bff's was a part.yli.te consultant years ago and I still have tons of candles plus I buy them from wherever when I smell a scent that is decadent and yummy.

Left from there and went out to my cousins house for dinner, drinks, fun and fellowship. My cousin Mike had been doing good recovering from his third brain cancer surgery but now he's having headaches yet again. *sigh*

Whenever he has these intense headaches we fear the cancer is back because that is what has happened in the past. He's going to the hospital tomorrow because he doesn't feel he can wait any longer for his appointment. Praying constantly for him to be fully healed and well again.

Drove home very cautiously in the snow and ice. We had a terrible ice storm on Christmas day/evening. I cruised home all the way and we were snug in our home at about ten-ish that night.

The next day I went to my friend's new house and laughed and talked. It's coming along nicely. She's having some work done on it. The very light mint green paint in the dining room is beautiful and her accent wall is painted a berry red color that makes it pop when you first enter the house. Just gorgeous. Went to dinner with our other friend and her kids and watched her 12 year old twin boys max their food. Those little boys know they can eat!!!! LOL!!! Then we came back to my house and her kids played with the Wii that I bought myself for Christmas. So far the tennis game is my favorite and no I haven't won a game yet!!!!!!!!

So I had the most amazingly simple but yet incredible Christmas holiday ever!!!

I'm alive, semi healthy (lol) not sick and in the hospital like last year and it feels AWESOME!!!!

I hope everyone had a good holiday and shared it with people you love the most.

Random

I was feeling a little bit down for the past couple of days but now I'm feeling a little bit better. Went to the doc today *what's new right?*, everything is awesome!!! Blood work looks good, of course the colonoscopy came out good, only thing is my iron levels are low, which happens all of the time with me. So she said she's giving me two months off!!!!!!!! Hallelujah!!!!!!!!! I don't have to go see her until February!!!!!!!!!!!! Whooooooooo Hooooooooooo!!! Of course this is the oncologist. I see my gyn the first week of January and I have to schedule an appt with my surgeon to get the hernia repaired but I am not even gonna call until after January. I want a total reprieve from all my docs for at least two weeks!!!!! Love em all but hate em all at the same time!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!

Tomorrow would have been my dads 75th birthday. It's been almost 20 years now that he has been gone. This is what really gets me down during the holidays because I miss him soooooo much!!! I always wanna run away to an island and forget all about December when I'm in this funk. Then it passes and then January rolls around and I'm depressed again because that's the anniversary of his death. *sigh*

Baking cookies for a holiday party this weekend and eating waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy too many of them. I must get this under control cause the waistline is expanding and since ya girl can't get any real cardio in this is just sucking majorly for me. I put two and two together just last night with my increased irritability and not working out. I have to find some sort of exercise to do to get those feel good endorphins kicking again. My mind and body need help desperately!!! I have been such a b*tch lately. I don't want to be around people, just want to hibernate, ya know. I want to be left alone. My brother felt the wrath the other day. I basically told him to kma and get the hell outta my way. He's always trying to riddle and rhyme me to death and I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD!!!!!!!!!! He left outta here quick, fast and in a hurry. So much so that he left his winter gear for work in my mom's trunk. I called and left him a msg but he didn't return my call. *shrugs shoulders* Good, I didn't want to talk to him anyway!!!!!! Boy gets on my nerves!!!!!!

Missing the hell outta my troubled soul. That kid is hurting, hurting, hurting!!!! Praying constantly for him, nothing more I can do. He's locked up and for a long time coming. *major sigh*

On the upside of things, I'm going to see my Dollface tonight in her holiday concert at school. Ya know she joined the choir *rolls eyes* but we talked earlier this week and if I can find lessons for her on a Saturday she said she would take violin again!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! I'm stoked!!!!! Cause you know I didn't want her to stop taking lessons, little hard headed chica!!!

Cold and blustery here today in the Chi so I made a big pot of chilli and we will be eating that for the next few days.

About to go to the postoffice and mail off some stuff. I'll be in there for a minute I know. Last minute procrastination sucks LOL!!

In spite of all that has happened to me this year I am soooooo eternally grateful to be alive and so grateful for all the wonderful people who have touched my life through this blog and over on fb too! Hope your holidays are filled with Peace that surpasses all understanding, Joy that knows no boundaries, and mostly Love that fills your heart up til you almost burst!!!!!!!

Love yall to reeses pieces baby!!!!

Just in case I don't make it back to the blog before the holidays! Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!!!!!

It's over!!!

Yeee hawwwwwwww!!! The test is over, no tumors, polyps or nothing. The doc said I didn't drink enough of the prep. o_0

Yall know how I struggled with that mess, just yuck. I tried, I really did but I just couldn't choke down anymore! It took me 12 hours to get in about 3 cups. I just can't with nasty drinks! Whatever man, he saw what he needed to see and that was good enough for me!!!

I'm happy again!!! Doing the George Jefferson dance all over the kitchen, baking sugar cookies and drinking some delicious cinnamon flavored coffee!!!

Ahhhhhhh! Life is good. Let's get this holiday season started yall!!!

Peace and love!!!

Jesus take the wheel...

I am drinking this horrible crap for the colonoscopy tomorrow. Father God in heaven who comes up with these disgusting drinks???? I am sooooo serious. They gave me a gallon bottle to drink, da hell??? I ain't gonna make it. I started at about 3:00 this afternoon, it's now 9:00pm and I think I have consumed a cup and a half. It's bad yall, really, really bad. Holding my nose and gagging back the crap. Ooh wee I wish I had a magic wand and it would be all gone and the test would be over. I'm such a big baby when it comes to tests!!! *sigh*

Ok I have to be finished in two more hours so that this stuff can clean me out. On the plus side I haven't eaten all day and I'm not even remotely hungry. How is that???? Whatever, I am sooooo not complaining on that end. They said I could have clear liquids, juice, broth, jello, tea, black coffee, yet I've had not one thing. All I want to do is finish this drink and go to bed and get tomorrow over and done!!

Just took another sip, YUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

Monday Monday

Thanksgiving is over now I need to start acting like it and stop eating all of this food!!!! I have been eating our leftovers everyday since Turkey day. Man we had such a good dinner. We had turkey, dressing, mac-n-cheese, ham, bbq wing dings, lasagna, candied sweets, collards and cabbage mixed, green beans, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls, lemon supreme pie, cherry pie and lemon blossoms. A couple bottles of wine and baby bye, dinner was delish!!!!!!

Tomorrow I start the prep for my colonoscopy scheduled for Wed. Let's see how I get through this one. Can I please not have anymore tests for a while Lord? Please. I can not wait for 2009 to be over. This has been one hell of a year, hasn't it? I want 2010 to be a drama free year, is that asking for too much? I don't want to be the constant whiner but damn, I'm tired of hospitals, medicine and tests. Just sick of it all. Ok whining done.

My Dollface is a sick little chica. She has some type of stomach virus. She stayed over Friday nite and if I never see the colors pink and green again, it will be too soon. Chick projectile vomited all over the playroom. Oh it was sooooooo gross. I put her in the tub and grabbed my gloves a bucket, the bleach, and the dustpan. I needed a flippin' shovel for all of that nastiness. I swear I thought I was gonna barf behind cleaning that mess up. But I just kept telling myself to stay strong!!! LOL!!! Took about 45 minutes for me to clean up everything, that was rough I tell ya!!!

Now she has runny, slimy bowels and she threw up Sunday and today. So she missed yet another day of school. This is a record for her with missing school. She doesn't have a fever and she is still energetic. So I'm kinda perplexed as to what it could be. I at first thought it was because she ate too much on Thanksgiving. Her family cooked duck and rabbit along with the other traditional turkey day food and babydoll had some of it all. I think that was a bit much for her stomach to handle but to still be sick 4 days after is kinda worrisome to me. Hopefully this is going to pass and she'll be back to school tomorrow.

I wrapped a few presents tonight and put them under the tree. I like to get started early with wrapping because if you blink, Christmas will be here! Bought some Snoopy Christmas cards cause I love me some Snoopy!!! Yep I'm a grown azz woman who loves The Peanuts Gang to reeses pieces!! Hell didn't I tell yall that my brother called me Woodstock during my treatment , cause I had those little wisps of hair at the time? Pretty funny, well not really lol!!!

Mom has her teeth now and it's taking some getting used to for sure. She was having great difficulty getting them out and her gums are still sore but she is getting the hang of it. She was told to practice talking in front of the mirror because she sounds really funny right now. Everyday she does get better. I can't believe she finally did it. Proud of her because she is super duper afraid of the dentist.

Praying for some things to work out for us. Nothing health related just other things that have put quite a damper on the Brown household. God will work it out, He always does.

One of my friends who lost her job in February, got offered a job last week and she started last week too. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! She is sooooo happy and so am I. That's one down, one to go.

I saw THE cutest little doggie on Thanksgiving morning when I went to pick up the pies from B.Square. He was looking out of the window of the car parked next to me so I snapped a pic and you know I wanted to bring him/her home with me. So flippin' cute!

So how many days til Christmas? According to Dollface it's gonna take forever!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!

I wanna see sooooooo many movies right now, so I'm making a list because I will surely forget if I don't, isn't that something? The mind, oh the mind!!!!!!!!!

Ok off to bed, it's now Tuesday morn! LOL!!!

Sunday ramblings

Went to a party last night and surprisingly I didn't have any pain in my stomach! Praise ye the Lord!!!!!!!!! The doc wants me to take it easy and I have to buy this binder to wear around my stomach. It's supposed to hold me in and I guess I won't strain myself too much more than I already have.

Had a very good weekend. Saturday ran around town, took Dollface to her Saturday classes. Saw Darius from the Cup.cake Gal.lery. Dude, (google him) his cupcakes are awesome. He gave me a mixed batch of a dozen. The flavors are yummy. He gave me red velvet *his signature one*, carrot cake, peach cobbler, key lime, *mom said we needed more of this flavor*, double chocolate *Dollface said they were triple chocolate*, mocha chocolate, orange creamcicle and coconut creme. I had red velvet and the peach cobbler and I am telling you baby, these cupcakes are so moist, so yummy so decadent, nothing you've ever experienced from a regular cupcake. The icing alone will have your eyes rolling in the back of your head LOL!!! Just so awesome. His shop is waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy on the other side of town about a 40-45 minute drive but worth the trip for sure. He was sooooo tired. Poor sweetie! CEO, baker, order taker, decorator, just everything. I'm proud of him. He was laid off from his corporate job in June and opened his cupcake shop a couple of weeks ago. Young brother with a lot of heart. You know I had to support him. Made his dream a reality, nothing beats that! Go Darius Go!!!!

We didn't make it to the lights parade cause I know I wouldn't have made it home in time to go to the party. Traffic was nuts all day yesterday because it was a gorgeous outside! Plus I was just getting over a sore throat, still have that cough and I was not going to stand on the Mag Mile with that lake wind kicking me in the rear! Not for three hours! I was really bummed because you know I'd do anything for that little chica, but I was not feeling paradish at all yesterday. I didn't tell her about it, so she didn't know. Although her cousins, who live right next door to her did in fact go. UH OH!!!!!!! It's six of them, eight with the parents, so they had no room for my Dollface. They already go places with kids in laps, *I so am not trying to put my babydoll in that unsafe situation*. Why would you buy a 7 passenger van for a family of 8? Makes no sense but anyway.

Went to a party last night and of course had a good time! It was one of my gurls' birthday. Lil mama walked up in the joint a blonde!!!!! Her dress was fierce and she had on 5 inch, sparkly stillettos. Just sexay all night long!

Today I went to church and the Women's Club had a bake sale so I baked cookies and I am not pleased. Baked them for the first time with the new oven. Our oven died on us in September. Gotta get used to new temperature settings because this oven gets super hot, I think a little hotter than what the actual dial reads. So I have to scale it back a bit and cut down on the baking time. If I wasn't so tired I would have redone all 4o bags of cookies. They were edible, don't get me wrong, it's just they weren't my best.

So now I'm home just chilling! About to change clothes and start cleaning, getting ready for Turkey day. Washing windows, cleaning baseboards *which I despise*, shampooing the carpet, washing the curtains. All that kinda crap!!! lol!

Bout to go eat a delish little cupcake with this wonderful cup of cinnamon coffee right here. Might even wrap a few Christmas presents later since Dollface has us listening to Christmas music already!!! They've been playing it for a couple of weeks now on the lite 93.9. You should have seen us dodging all info about this but her cousins, of course, told her they were on. She is tooooooo excited!!!! I don't want to burn out before Thanksgiving, ya know? But we love the Peanuts theme song and we were having a good old time the other day while it was on.

Happy Sunday!

Dollface

Made the honor roll! All A's and B's! Proud of her.

The results are in...

The doc says I have a hernia. *sigh*

No more 5k training for me, none at all. She says I must have loosened up the muscle even more while training and that it's a no go for me. She immediately gave me a referral to get a colonoscopy done because of my family background with cancer. She wants to make sure I don't develop any tumors in my colon and with them thinking I was blocked up she is taking no chances. After the colonoscopy I have to see her again and then I have to see my surgeon to get the hernia repaired. You know like fucking surgery AGAIN!!!!

I am soooooooo not feeling my body right now!!!! Didn't I just say this would be the first time in two years that I would not have to deal with being in the hospital during the holidays? I can't deal with this right now. I need a drink and I don't even drink like that. If I did drugs I'd probably be stoned right now but alas I don't do them either. So what vice is left hell, ah yeah gimme some cake, chips, cookies, pie, something!! I need to be comforted. But you know that is only going to make me feel worse than I already do right now. My stomach can't tolerate too much of that crap anymore.

Hell I'm just talking but I do want to go get under the covers right now cause I'm pissed off!!!!!!!!!!
I just wanna screaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!

AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Take me away Calgon!!!

Almost hump day

Wooo I had way too much weekend! LOL! The party Saturday was bananas!!!!!!! OMG had an absolute ball and felt so totally alive. It was great until....the pain came back. *sigh* Yep at about 12:45am I got that burning feeling in my stomach and me and my girls left right after that. By the time I got to the car, the pain was gone. So weird!!!! Got home a few minutes later and the pain came back, oh my!!!!!!!! Was a complete mess all night long. Took some prescribed meds, did nothing. Took some Tums, nothing happened. Woke up early the next morning and took some more meds and laid it down for a few hours and the pain hasn't been back since. Drank tea and had broth all day Sunday. Took a boatload of vitamins and hydrated myself like crazy and now finally, I'm feeling like myself again. My followup is tomorrow so we will see what the doc says. She called the next day, she cracks me up with her fast talking self! I love my doctors eventhough I hate the hospital with a bloody, burning passion LOL!!!!

Another party to attend this Saturday and then that's it for me and parties hell! I am so not a party, party girl! Shoot I'm too old for all this activity!!!!

Also Saturday is the Lights on The Mag Mile Parade and I'm taking Dollface. We couldn't go last year cause well you know I was kinda laid up having a big ole' surgery and all. Nothing stopping us this year, except if it rains or snows. I am not standing out in the elements for nobody baby!!! Not on purpose anyways!!!

G had his knee scoped and he may possibly need surgery on it. I can be his nurse this year! Whoo hoo!!!! This is the first time in two years that I won't be in the hospital or recovering during the holidays. I am soooooooo beyond stoked baby!!!!!!! So he's waiting on results from it and I guess they will schedule surgery soon. He is so not looking forward to this. I totally understand.

I'm still bummed the hell out about my tur.key tr.ot. Body says no, I'm listening. It hurts me but I know I'm not ready and I will not injure myself by doing something that I know I am not prepared to do. Looked at the calendar and I have not trained since November 4th. THAT SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Gotta get back on the horse man! I'm still on week 4 when I should be on week 7 by now!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!! Not where I wanna be but I'm not giving up either. One day soon I'll be able to say I did it but it won't be this Turkey day. WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! It's ok, I've got to train more so I won't hurt myself and get turned off by the whole idea of running, ya know?

Only a few more days til Thanksgiving and I have oh so much to be thankful for this year. That's why I really wanted to run this race. I thought it would be so appropriate to give thanks for my life by running a race to say I am a true winner, a survivor baby!!!!

I must get my menu together, for right now I have not a clue as to what I really want to serve. I know the basics but not the extras or dessert. Mom said she wants mashed potatoes this year and I'm like huh? Oh yeah she still doesn't have teeth. Been postponed again but she's really learning how to eat without teeth. *cringes a little bit* Poor mom!

Got quite a bit of holiday shopping done in the past few days. The next cc bill is not gonna be cute.

Today in the speaker series class, we had a priest break down the 23rd psalm and he was so funny and had awesome stories to share with us. I could have listened to him for hours. I need to get my prayer life together because it is seriously lacking. I mean like getting back into reading my bible. I got THE coolest bible as a gift from a friend of my mom's and why did my mother request to use it for HER bible study class. I was like no way but she was all begging me and there is no way I'd ever say no to her. Not about sharing a bible LOL!!!

Anyways the priest pretty much ran out of time for the class *an hour* and ended it by saying take it to God in prayer, when you're happy, when you're sad, whenever! Seems simple right? right!

Feels like...

Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I am so disappointed with myself. My body is not agreeing with me at all. I didn't work out not once this week because my mind has really done a job on me.

I was sooooo pumped at first because we had some wonderful weather last week and I wanted to train outside, so I did. HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! That was a total bust. I didn't last more than 10 minutes for the whole session. I was completely distracted and I let that deter me from what I was supposed to be doing. I was so damn mad but I told myself that I would do it again the next day and once again I was outside at the park and I could not find my mojo AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to cry, I was so upset that I couldn't pull it out. Started off with the brisk 5 minute walk and then I was supposed to jog for 90 seconds or 180 seconds I don't have my training sheet with me and my legs just said, "Hell to the no chick, you ain't about to be pounding on us out here on this damn concrete, WTF dude?" So I stopped jogging and started walking and talking to myself. Giving myself that boost of confidence you know, you can do this, you've been training for 4 weeks, it takes time but you can do this girl! Come on!!! So I started jogging again only for like 10 seconds then I stopped and walked for like 20 seconds and then I started jogging again and this happened maybe 3 times til I just couldn't make myself jog anymore. Tried to jog in the grass hoping that would help and it was just as difficult. *sigh* Ended up walking the entire rest of the way. A nice brisk walk but I was not enthused in the least bit.

Then my body played a cruel trick on me and I wound up in the ER for about 10 hours. Scared the living crap outta me. I had an intense, burning pain in my stomach. Haven't felt this type of pain since last year after the hysterectomy when I had the fluid drained from my stomach. You know what I thought don't you? Yeah, they did a round of tests including an EKG, CT scan, Xray and no the cancer is not back *Thank you Jesus!* They don't know what it was but they did say it was nothing serious that they could find and to follow up with my oncologist, she requested that I go to the ER. I have a scheduled appointment with her for this coming Wed and I'll see her then. So far the pain hasn't returned and I'm oh so glad!!!

That was on Thursday and on Friday we had a retirement party to attend. It was wonderful. A friend of the fam was retiring from 30 years of ER practice. Mom asked her was she gonna get a side job doing some pharmacy work or something and Sharon was like, "Uh, that would be a no!" Dr. S. is retired for good!!!!! Thirty years working for Cook County Hospital in the ER, baby she deserves this break! The music was pumping and drinks were flowing, folks were having a ball and I'm glad I was able to go and celebrate that milestone with everyone.

Today is Saturday and I have another party to attend tonight at a friend's house. It's an Old school blue lights basement party. This is gonna be wild. These folks be off the chain. I forgot my camera last night, changing purses sucks!!!!!!!! But I will for sure have the cam tonight and will be clicking away. Wearing an afro wig if my head will let me, got a bit of a headache still from Thursday, think I'm dehydrated and from drinking that awful mess they make you take before a scan. It always messes with me. I HATE THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now as far as the race goes, I think not. That's only 12 days away and I haven't had one decent workout in well over a week and I was already behind. *sigh* This sucks majorly to me and I feel awful about it. What I will do is try again tomorrow but only if I feel good enough because I honestly ain't feeling it. Can yall tell I'm kinda in the dumps about this? Could totally be my effin' mind and no postitive thinking. I need positive energy flowing through these veins *going back to check fatmanrunning's blog for some inspiration* and I also need my damn bff to get off her butt and join me like she said she would, heffa!!!! That ain't gonna happen either! She's going out of town for the job for three days.

Gonna see what the doc says too. I know she told me to get out there and exercise but I haven't told her I'm trying to run a race lol!!! Knowing Dr. R. she might be all for it PLUS I have to get these pounds off of my body!

On the upside I have lost about 6 pounds since I started training. YAY ME!!!!!!!!!

Going to get a bottle of water, gotta stay hydrated. Headache be gone!!!! *Waves magic wand*

Happy Saturday yall!

Help me somebody!!!!!

What am I doing???? My body is soooooo sore!!! Goodness gracious. My legs and knees, lawd ham mercy!!!! I want to quit! I want to quit!!!!!!!! WAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I will not quit though, hell to the no!!!!!!!!!! I will not quit! I'm a survivor!!! I beat cancer's ass and I shole can do a 5k. Might be slow as a damn turtle, like a little old lady with her flippin cane but I'm gonna give it my all. I am behind in my training. Like by a week. Missed working out two different times. I made it up, I'm just behind on the schedule is all. *sigh* This is hard to do alone but I can do it. I have to talk to myself while I'm working out. I keep telling myself, "You can do it, don't stop! Yes it's hard but don't you quit, don't give up. You're almost there and think of the rewards." This goes on and on and on til the workout is over and then I feel amazing!!!

I have yet to jog outside. First off I'm scared as hell. This body is so not the best and I am so not graceful. I'm really afraid that I'm going to fall. I am not steady on my feet at all ever since the leg surgery of 2007. *Humph remember that one?* I will test it out in the backyard first before I go out to the park. Gotta register for the race too. Keep trying to talk myself out of actually participating in a "real race". Just doing it for myself. Giving me something else to focus on now.

*Bunny running/jogging a real race, GTFOOH*

Who would have ever thunk it? Not me and that's for sure. Gotta get over this hump. Week four starts in two days. Heaven help, heaven help me please!!!!!!!!!!! Week three is soooooooooo hard!!!!!!!!!! I'm feeling like a failure but then again not, all at the same time. Does that make sense? Oh man I have to read that quote again. How quickly we forget.

Dollface fell off the schoolbus last Friday and hurt her tailbone. I say it wasn't bad because they were having a Halloween party and she didn't want to leave school. That evening I had her soak in the tub in epsom salt and wintergreen alcohol. She said she felt better because we had major events to participate in on Halloween. But now 3 days later her lower back is stiff, sore and swollen. *Major sigh* I looked at it tonight before she went home and girlfriend didn't look so good. Man is this gonna be a crazy year for my babydoll or what? Talked to her mom and she put one of those medicated patches on her back but she said she didn't see any swelling. 0_O

My baby better be ok. She was really uncomfortable this afternoon. It's about to rain again and I think she's feeling it in her body. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for her. I sure hope so, cause if Dollface ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. TRUST.

Random

Week three of training is kicking my azz! Period damn dot!!! OMG I'm like really trippin' hard on this stuff. First off it came so quickly. Seems like just yesterday I was on week one and now, oh boy. How bout at one point during the workout, I'm supposed to be jogging for three minutes straight. That doesn't seem like much saying it, but it is!!!! I so wanted to go back to the 90 second jog, 90 second walk stuff.

One of my fb friends posted this on the same day I wanted to regress, it said: Sometimes we don't make as much progress as we would like. Don't get discouraged. Don't go backwards. Keep a good attitude and do the right thing, even when it's hard. Be encouraged because your due season is coming.

Oooooh weeeeee, so on time!!!

I will not go backwards, I'm going to push forward! I will not be discouraged!!

Dollface is better. Still not 100% yet but much better. Her asthma was out of control. Her doc said she is supposed to be on her inhaler everyday and her appetite is back with a vengence. Believer was on the phone with me one day while I was picking her up from school and she heard first hand about the hi, I'm hungry, greeting. LOL!!!!

I think I'm addicted to coffee. I get a serious headache if I don't have any. This is not good. I need to slow it down drastically. Just what I need, another addiction. NOT!!!!

Mom had some dental work done last week. She's prepping for dentures and the dentist pulled 12 teeth in one sitting. That should be damn illegal. Nobody should have to endure such torture. She was a mess that day but she has really been a trooper in the process. I take her back tomorrow for some more work because she feels one of her remaining teeth is broken. Heaven help! She's been surviving on all soft foods. I made homemade broccoli cheese soup and split pea too. Of course she's had all the pudding, applesauce, jello and yogurt one can, when they have no upper teeth. She's having major cravings though. I sure do understand. She just wants something to chew on. G suggested I buy her a teething ring. *sigh*

Can you believe it's almost November? Doesn't it seem as if President Ob.ama got into office just yesterday? Time is flying man!!!

One of the besties is closing on her house next week! Her birthday was on Monday, she said this is the best birthday present she has ever gotten. I'm too proud of her! She has overcome some hella obstacles but she has turned it all around and is doing major things with her life now. I love that chick! She's awesome, no beyond awesome! No doubt God has worked it out for her and the fam!

Halloween is in a couple of days and my little chica wants to be a cowgirl. We of course are going trick-or-treating and to a Halloween parade in To.ys R U.s and a party too. She is going to have a ball! I love seeing all the little kids dressed up having good, clean, fun.

Watching old reruns of Ro.seanne and this show was hilarious, or I'm just tired as hell now. I'm laughing way too much at these fools.

The new stove comes tomorrow, well today since it's 4:42 in the morning. I had way too much coffee, way too late. I had my last cup at 10:53 last night. What in the world was I thinking? Yeah not thinking at all, just getting that much needed fix!

Ok guess I'll go get a couple hours of sleep.

Monday Monday

Thanking God for blue skies and sunshine!!! Whooo Hooo!!!! I am going to cherish these next couple of days because after that our weather is going to get funky again. I mean cold, rainy and dreary. So any day with sunshine is a plus to me.

My Dollface is still sick. This is day number 3 that she is missing of school. Her mom took her to Urgent Care yesterday and is following up with her reg. doc today. This has me a little worried because my chica never misses school and another thing is she has absolutely no appetite and Dollface is a member of the clean plate club! She is always, always hungry. She greets me everyday with, "Hi, I'm hungry." She has this constant cough and they gave her antibiotics yesterday. I'm not a fan of antibiotics since I was in the hospital last year. That crap had me sicker than sick. I'm gonna go see her later and I'm gonna spray myself down with Clor.ox after I leave her. Uh, I can't be sick, no way baby!

Did workout #3 yesterday!!! Feels good to be doing something physical. Tomorrow starts a new regime of a brisk 5 min walk, 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking, alternating for 20 minutes. Yeah baby!! I can do this!!!

Got the refrigerator repaired last week for a total of $265.00 and the repairman came out for the oven the same day but Sea.rs charges you for each appliance that you have serviced even if it's on the same day. Boooooooo to you Sea.rs. He said the oven would cost like $350.00 to get repaired, the parts he had with him didn't work. We said no thanks, we will just buy a new one for that ridiculous price but we still had to pay him $125.00 for the service call. *sigh*

So now I'm off to run some errands on this glorious, sunny, blue sky day!!

Getting off that couch...

Did my second workout today and whew boy!!!! This is going good so far! I feel amazing after working out but during *lol* I'm like what in the world was I thinking? One more workout to go with the current walk briskly for 5 minutes then the 60 second jog 90 second walk alternate. I did a total of 25 minutes today as opposed to the 20 minutes the first time. I'm guessing that's right. I sure would love a workout buddy though.

Thanks to the brown blogger for that info. I looked it up and yeah that's awesome!!!! Gotta call to speak with someone because they only have marathons and half marathons and I'm so not ready for 12 miles. That isn't even on my radar for right now. Just let me get this 5k down and I'm good!!!! But I could volunteer for sure.

Got my test results back from my 3 month pap. All is well!!! Came back normal. Thank you Jesus!!!! Going for my follow up to radiology next week and getting my boobs smooshed the following week. I must stay on top of all these appts. I was soooooo scatterbrained that I totally missed my followup for the 6th. Didn't even think about it until I found the appt. card in my purse. *slaps self upside the head*

So much was going on with the murder of my uncle and running here and there til I just completely forgot about it. But I rescheduled and all is well.

One of the ladies in my weekly speaker series class has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. We have the same oncologist and she had been going for many, many, many tests. Our doc felt something wasn't right. So she kept pushing until she did find something. My heart hurts for her. I wanted to scream, I was sooooooo sad!!!!! This is her second go round with cancer. I know the healing power of prayer so I immediately started praying. I honestly don't know what I'd do if this mess came back. Yes I do, I'd fight it with all that was in me just like the first time. It's just that it's so mind blowing!!!

Dollface has caught the ickies! Girlfriend hasn't gone to school for two days. This is the first time she has missed school in like 4 years. She was in kindergarten the last time she missed a day, maybe it was preschool, not sure exactly. But now we are gonna have to work even harder to catch up. *sigh*

Yall know how we do at the beginning of the school year. We be all fighting and whatnot cause she hates when I make her study every single day!! But you know she loves getting all those honors and awards at the end of the year!!!

Oh yeah she isn't taking violin either. I'm truly upset about that but nothing I can do. She told her mom she wasn't doing it and her mom said fine. WHATEV!!!!!!!!!

She's now in the choir at school but I seriously want her to get back to the violin. She was really good at it. Talking bout dude (her instructor) is mean and she had to cut her fingernails because they were too long and she loves her nails! Totally stubborn little chica!!!! What am I gonna do with that little girl?

So now I'm off to run some errands on this cold, gloomy and chilly Friday afternoon.

Still feeling inspired!!!!

Happy Weekend Yall!!!


*******Edited to add********

Believer!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!! I got your package in the mail today!!! You are the best!!!!!!!! xoxo!!!!!

From Couch to 5k

Whoooo Hoooooo!!!! My first workout is done!!! I'm gonna need a bambulance in the morning for real!!!

I need a few basic essentials to get this running thing going like proper workout gear. I also need a watch with a timer cause I know I lost track of what the hell I was doing. LOL!!!

My workout for the first week is a brisk five minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes three times a week.

Now ok I'm already confused. Am I supposed to do the 60 seconds of jogging/90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes plus the 5 minutes of brisk walking in the beginning for a total of 25 minutes? And please tell me what am I supposed to do for a cool down? Just stretch for 5 minutes or what? Back to the drawing board. Oh and dummy me didn't do any stretching beforehand, just the brisk warmup walk. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I was soooo excited to get started that I totally forgot to stretch!!! Yowsa!!!!!!!!

My body was like WTF are you doing? My hips and thighs were burning something fierce and I was like yeah baby kiss all that flab goodbye. It's a new day!!!! Ooooh I feel good!!!!

Yay me!!!

Sunday's Marathon

I have been inspired!!!! On Sunday I went down to the BOA Chic.ago Ma.rathon to watch a friend participate in it. Dude was awesome. His unofficial time was 4:44. I should play that in the lottery lol! To witness soooooooo many people, 45,000 in all, run 26.2 miles is infreakingcredible!!! Man that's athleticism at it's highest form. We were all trying to calculate the distance. One friend said that it was like running from the Southern burbs to the inner city. Dude that's a hell of a lot of running. We saw a man with one leg and crutches running. We saw a man with two prothesis running and he did it in a little over two hours, running. There was a blind man running with a guide of course. We saw much older people running and they were doing it yall!!! Made me proud as all get out. If they could do it, why not me?

So your girl here is thinking no more excuses. I'm gonna start running. Yeah I ain't hardly bout to do no 26.2 miles and that's for sure but I am definitely going to start training for something on a much smaller scale like maybe a 5k *or even smaller* lol. I am no athlete by any stretch of the imagination but my mind and body need a complete rehaul. I have been sooooooo very focused on my cancer treatment and now that I've gotten over that hurdle I have to place the focus on something different. I need a whole new mindset and one that doesn't include doctors, nurses and meds!!!

I'm excited about this new journey I'm about to begin. I feel exhilarated and renewed already. Talk to me tomorrow after I finish my first workout. Baby I'm gonna be a mess I know this already! I surely will take all advice because Bunny don't know nothing, nada, nathan bout' running. Gonna goo.gle myself silly but I am gonna do this. Writing it down and making this happen *thanks Monnie*.

I'm proud of me and I'm oh so excited for my future!

Here's my friend after he finished the race. He rocks baby!!!

Trio

Me, mom and my favoritest auntie in the whole wide world!

Yeah that's right!

Today I had an appointment with my gyn. and today she uttered the words I have been longing to hear. She said, "You are disease free." Hell to the muthafuckin yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I kicked cancer's azz!!!!!!!!! Square in the fucking azzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bye bitch and don't you come back no mo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

*ahem*

A more detailed and slightly civilized accounting of my year with cancer will be forthcoming!

Just now sinking in

My mom and her sister are the last remaining siblings of the Jones family. It's really awful how my uncle died. I have been thinking about him and how his life ended and it makes me terribly sad. You have to understand he wasn't the world's best uncle, dad, brother or husband but to have him leave this earth so tragically is just horrific. I pray that his soul has found it's eternal resting place and as my brother so eloquently put it, "That he has had the talk with St. Peter and has made his way into the pearly gates."

My mother is beyond strong. I don't understand her strength at times. It baffles me but she just keeps it moving. She was glad soooooo many people showed up for the services. Made her feel good for her nephew, his only remaining son of 5 boys. His pool hall buddies were choked up and expressed their grief but made us see another side of my uncle and for that I'm grateful. He loved pool and played every Sunday for over 40 years as stated by one of his buddies.

Thanks to all that reached out to comfort, via this internet, called and sent cards. It is very much appreciated.

No leads or suspects on the case as of yet. We can only pray that someone knows something and will inform the authorities with that knowledge. *sigh*

No words

http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/09/man-fatally-stabbed-in-his-south-suburban-home.html

Please pray for my mom and family. This was her last surviving brother. *sigh*

It's over now!!!!!!!!

Rockin' that faux hawk

Trust me it's only in the house! I'm excited my hair is growing back!!!!!!!!!! I have something to actually comb and brush now LMBO!!!!!!!!!!!

9-11-01

We will never forget

Always in our hearts

Random

You know the title of my blog is Now What? Simply meaning what is going to be thrown my way next because it seems stuff is neverending. I'm almost completed with my cancer treatment and I am really saying NOW WHAT a lot!!!!!!!



This year has been a series of tests, doctors, surgeries, more tests and more damn doctors. I swear if I never have to see another doctor again in my life...

Last week the blog world lost a special person...Nikki Harris. I wasn't a regular reader of hers but I did read quite a bit of her writing and was always blown away by her style. It was like smooth as silk. Words always intrigue me. I love how someone can write something and it seems so damn effortless, ya know? I think the time I started reading Nikki was when she busted out some fool for faking her death. I mean Nikki was like Inspector Gadget on dat ass and rightfully so cause that fool took it too far and Nikki was not pleased.

She is loved and missed by many in this internet land and IRL. I didn't know her personally but can so totally feel the void of her presence shared by her many, many friends. May God welcome his newest angel to the land of sweet honey. That's how I view heaven...just sweet and delicious.

I over did it again this week and am paying the price today where I am soooooo not able to make it out of the house. Straight chillin' in the place to be. Ha!!!!! Was supposed to be a bbq. It's soooo not on!

Jim-May it's OWN. (Thanks South.we.st) NOT! LOL!!

I was told that during radiation treatment that I would experience bouts of exhaustion and to take it easy so today is all about rest. Still in pjs at 6:19pm. Didn't even make it to chuuch.

Tomorrow is 1/2 off day at the thrift store. Guess where I'll be bright and early in the morn?

Went to the farmer's market again yesterday. I didn't do as good this week though. I got a load of veggies but the prices changed considerably IN A WEEK!!!!! Yowsa!!!!!!!

Last week I ate a ton of veggies and fruit and I so felt the difference in my body. I am really considering giving up red meat for right now and then slowly work on giving up meat all together.

I gained 25-30 pounds during this cancer treatment and I calls bullshit on this man!!!! Going on a fast this week cause I got some stuff I need to work out with God and I really can not, will not re-gain all the weight I lost. That surgery was much too much and it will not be in vain. Plus staying healthy is really going to be my main focus!

I've been juicing everyday and that helps me considerably with my digestive system. I think I need to invest in a better juicer though. One that doesn't take all the pulp and stuff out of the juice. I can't help but think I'm missing out on some nutrients by not having that extra stuff in there.

I've noticed my teeth have shifted and I soooooooo don't know what to do. I had braces for a million years and I so don't want to go down that road again. Yeah I read that I would have dental issues after chemo, WTF!!!!!! It's neverending, I swear!!!!!!! But I'm good that means my ass is still alive right, right?!? Just something else to deal with. *sigh*

I'm watching Tiny and Toya right now and surprisingly I like it. So different than what I expected. Goes to show you shouldn't judge people period. They have issues just like me and you.

I ate a turkey burger about an hour ago and now I have a headache. UGH!!!!!! It's veggies and fruit for the rest of the night!

FB has me hooked for real. I play the little games on there and am such a fool for that networking site.

I miss my dad a lot more when a bbq holiday rolls around. He so loved everything about the summer. I wish I could feel one of his hugs right now :(

My Dollface is excited about starting the 4th grade. I'm excited too. Back to the brain factory she goes! I can't wait to see what this year holds in store for her.

Just realized I didn't take my vitamins today.

I'm going to make cookies for the bbq tomorrow. Hopefully I won't be over tired and will actually want to go.

Radiation session #2 on Tuesday. UGH!!!!!!!!!!! Me no likey, it's way too invasive.

Big Bro is on in a few minutes. I <3 that show!

Hope everyone has a safe and fun Labor Day.

Farmers Market

On Saturday I went to the local farmers market over at Trinity and man I picked up so many goodies!!!!!!!! I bought corn on the cob, eggplant, lemons, collard greens, stringbeans, carrots, brown rice, avocados, organic apples, musk melon, beets and shea butter all for under twenty bucks!!!!!!!! I was hyped!!!!!! I cooked the collard greens already and they are sooooooo yummy!! I guess the freshness really does makes a difference. I used the beets in my juicer this morning along with some carrots, celery and apples. Too delish!!!!!! I can not wait to get back there next weekend! Gonna get some more goodies!!!

Yay me!!!!!!

Rainy Thursday

My cousin Mike has been having a hard time lately.

He is fighting this cancer bs too!

He was diagnosed about 2 months or so after me with brain cancer and I think he is getting tired. Tired of being readmitted to the hospital. Tired of all these surgeries, tired of not being able to walk at times, tired of the nausea, tired of all the poisonous medicine that is supposed to help kill off the bad cells but hurts the good cells as well.

Just.plain.tired.

I'm praying for him constantly and hoping that he doesn't give up, though I understand. Yeah I understand.

It's hard man, it's hard fighting everyday just to live.

Simple things like getting out of the bed seem impossible. Showering, eating or getting dressed is not even a thought.

Mike is so not used to hospitals, doctors or medicine. His religion says to pray and not turn to modern medicine.

His mom, my aunt, died 2 years ago from tumors on her spine. We're not sure if it was cancer or not because she didn't go to the hospital until it was too late.

He is really getting tired. *sigh*

We go to the same hospital for treatment but we have different doctors and different treatment plans.

I don't want him to give up but I know how hard this is.

He stopped eating and the headaches have come back and he doesn't want to get out of bed. He just wants to sleep all day and don't even think about having a conversation. He's starting to nod yes or no. Talking just drains him and trust me Mike is a TALKER!!!!!!!

Not good. Not good at all.

He was admitted again yesterday to the hospital and his wife is gone on a spa trip with my mom. My mom takes a busload of folks up to a spa/casino in Michigan every year.

She needed to get away because being a caregiver, as we all know, is stressful as hell!! She needed this in a bad way!

They will be back tomorrow evening though so I hope and pray that everything will be ok until she returns.

I hate this disease so much!!!!!!!

Can you see my smiling face?

Oh happy day!!!!!!! I got THE most excellent call from the doc today!!!!!!!

Yeah baby my scan came back goooooooooddddddddddd!!!!!!!!

He did not see anything abnormal!!!!!!!!!! Whoo Hoo!!!!!!!

I am sooooooooooooo flippin' happy!!!!!!!!!

I can't stand it!!!!!!!!!!

Instead of 5 weeks of daily radiation, I'm only going to have 3 sessions!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo Hoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is sooooooooo good!!!!!!!!!!

AND the devil is a damn liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight!!

I've been on a high all day long!!!

When I told my mom, she just rocked me and hugged me and cried!!!!!!!!!

This is finally going to be overrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

Thank You Jesus!!!!!!!!!

I'm doing the happy dance cause I'm soooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!

:-)

A day in my life

Man it can't get any more exposed than this. Today I was at the hospital for them to do some scans of my pelvic area to see what the "plan" will be with radiation. Chile here comes TMI all up in your face LOL!!!

Let's see I started off drinking that nasty ass barium sulfate and no I did not finish the entire bottle. I got about 3/4's down and that was more than enough!!!! Can somebody say yuck!!!!!!!

Got to the hospital and they explained what was gonna go down today. I do believe I flipped out a little but I was in the room by myself for about 5 minutes so I prayed and I calmed the f*ck down. Yeah real talk. My God knows my heart and he ain't mad.

Ok butt ass naked from the waist down and why in the sam hell did the nurse have to stick this giant azz dil.do up my cooch?????? You should have seen my eyes. They almost bucked outta my head!!!!!!! The nurse come talkin' bout' don't make her laugh. Shit how bout don't make me haf to cut you!!!!! That foolywang nurse had the nerve to say it wasn't that big. Heffa it ain't going up in YOUR cooch!!!!!!

Yall just don't know my pain!!!!!!!!! Arrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Not comfortable man, not comfy at all!!!!

I'm on the table, butt azz naked, with the giant stick up my stuff, then the tech has me to move my hips up and down to get centered on the table. Uh, like am I being punked, for real?

I do all that and then they wrap some sorta thing around my feet to keep them in place and give me this foam type of circle thingy to hold onto, over my chest to keep me perfectly still right.

Ok so yeah the tech, male by the way, makes these little marks on my stomach and my hips. I am sooooo hella ticklish and I'm trying sooooooo hard not to giggle and move. Then dude says he's going to have to mark on my vajayjay too.

OH LAWD!!!!!!!!!!!! I rolled my eyes to the heavens and just laughed the fuck out loud!!!!!!!!!

Sure enough 3 hours later I see that x marks the spot!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!

Now that we've become intimate and shit the tech tells me to be perfectly still and that this should only take 20 minutes at the most.

Ok cool. So why in the hell does some strange ass woman roll up in there while I am butt ass naked, stick up my stuff and exposed for the world to see while I am supposed to be completely still?????

You know I wanted to raise the hell up and be like "Who da fuck are you lady? Don't you see my naked butt up here ain't expecting no visitors at the current moment?"

You know I was too mortified but I also know they don't even look at us as bodies, but as "bodies" you know?

Whateverthehell, I just shrugged that shit off and asked my tech after it was all over who in the hell came to the party uninvited? He looked shocked as shit and then said it was a nurse who had to get something in the room. Next time his ass is locking that mofokin' door!!!!!!!!!

Dang can't a sista get a lil bit of privacy up in that joint?

So now my doctor is going to look at my scans and call me in a few days to lay out the real deal and we go from there and how bout he said my treatment just might be all intervag. vs outer pelvic radiation.

*SIGH*

I ain't looking forward to that damn stick no time soon!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to Mama Brown

Today is my moms 72nd birthday!!!! She looks good yall! I am so blessed to have her in my life! We celebrated at one of her favorite restaurants earlier today. Chick is mad crazy but I love her to reeses pieces lol!!!!





Happy Birthday mom!!!!! May God continue to pour down abundant blessings on you forever and ever!!!

It's over now

Random Thursday

Let's just say getting ready for a garage sale is a lot of work. Man, my living and dining rooms look CA-RAAAAAAAZY!!!!!!! Stuff is all over the place. Tomorrow the bff and I will tackle transporting all of this crap, I mean wonderful treasures, out to her home. Yeah we're having it in the boonies where there's plenty o'space for folk to roam around and pick and choose in our bins and bins of crap, I mean goodies!!!!!!!! LOL!!!

Happy Birthday to Shorty Boss. We went out to lunch at Leona's today to celebrate. That girl is so funny and I love her to pieces! We've been friends now for ooh lawd, 35 years. That's a long ass time!!!!! LOL!!!!

Mama Brown told me today that she has a cute bald daughter! LOL!!! Um, I have to agree! LOL!!

I pulled out one of my vintage G.uc.ci bags and rocked it today. I recall when I first got this bag back in 91 or 92, I thought I'd die if I didn't get it!!! Begged the granny to buy it for me. *I was such a spoiled heffa* We were on vacay in the Baha.mas. Humph I don't think I carried it 10 times. Maybe I did and just can't remember.

Thinking of selling another one in the garage sale because I never, ever use it. Got that one in the 80's.

I lost or misplaced my checkbook and it's driving me bananas!!!! Can't even remember the last time I saw it. Bills are due now and I'm like tripping because I need to decide if I'm going to close it down and start another one or just say eff it and skip about 20 checks. I think I threw it out with the newspaper by mistake a couple of weeks ago but then again I don't really know.

I love this weather!!!!!!!!! No fifty layers of clothes feels damn good on this brown skin!!!!

Why does she want split pea soup in almost ninety degree weather?

Whatever but you know I'm gonna make it right?

Dang I just remembered I was supposed to stop at the store to buy ingredients for choc. chip/oatmeal cookies. I hate going back out once I'm home! Oh well no cookies for the boys. My bff has 12 year old twin boys that are seemingly bottomless pits. I hope they don't mind. I know, I'll make lem.on blosso.ms instead. Pau.la De.en is all kinds of wrong for them. OMgosh they totally melt in your mouth. Yummmm!!!!!!!

Ok back to packing up all this junk, and whatever doesn't sell is going straight to SA.

Have a good weekend!

Awesome weekend with my gurls!!!

OMGosh!!! I had the best time this weekend hanging with the crew! We had a girls weekend up at the lake and my cheeks still hurt from laughing so much!

Got there late Friday evening, watched movies, ate, played games, drank, ate and drank some more and just laughed til the wee hours of the morn.

On Saturday we talked for hours, jammed to music, played cards, ate and drank, *LOL*, got showered and dressed, went to play miniature golf in the blazing sun and got choc-o-riffic in the process. Walked back to the lodge up this steep ass hill, got my exercise in that's for sure, showered again, ate some more, played more games, drank even more *OMG* and crashed on the sofa in the front room. I didn't even make it to my room I was soooooo whipped!

Sunday got up early and went swimming. That was an awesome workout. I haven't been in the pool in a minute and it felt really, really good. Went back to the lodge, showered, ate and no we didn't drink, LOL!!! Packed up and drove back home jamming to music, laughing our asses off the entire ride home.

I so adore my friends!!! We had such a good time that we plan on doing this regularly. Maybe somewhere different next time, or maybe at the lake again because it was beautiful!!! I have to wait for my friend to send me the pics cause of course I left my extra batteries at home and of course my batteries died on me! So I made them take plenty of pics.

I'm crashing early tonight LOL!!!

Thanking God for blessing us with a wonderful weekend, filled with laughter and love!!

I hate this disease

Today I went to the hospital for my usual Tuesday, picnic in the park speaker series. We were supposed to have yoga today but the instructor had a funeral to attend. So instead, we played Bingo for dollars and nope I didn't win this time, womp, womp!

One of the usuals that comes to this and my knitting class died this week and I am sooooo sad. She was such a nice lady. She had a real fighting spirit when it came to this dreadful disease. I haven't been to knitting in over a month so I had no clue that she was in the hospital. They said she was in for 10 days and then she went to hospice for two days after that. *sigh*

You guys I don't know how to handle this!!!

When I first met her she told me that when she was first diagnosed the doctors gave her two months. She wasn't tryna hear alla that. Girlfriend fought the good fight for two years more after that bogus ass prognosis.

They don't really know, they just be guesstimating.

Makes me mad and sad all at the same time!!!

I went and spent waaaaayyyyy too much money after that.

Had to do some retail therapy to calm my nerves.

It didn't work.

It's too many people affected by this fuckingfuckedupbullshitdisease!!!

I'm hurtin' right now.

No more pain Ellen, no more pain.

The Honest Scrap Award

It's the Honest Scrap Award. I was chosen by http://queenbeeandcompany.blogspot.com/ The rules were for me to:

(1) Brag about it.

(2) Choose seven blogs I find brilliant and link to them.

(3) List 10 honest things about myself.

Well anyone that know me, knows that I HONESTLY don't follow the rules too much. So I thank you Queen Bee but I'mma do this my way. Uh, I am so the rebellious one.

*Singing Bill.y I.dol's, Rebel Yell*

I find a bunch of blogs just by looking at other folks' blogrolls. I have found some really interesting blogs that way and what I find brilliant, funny, cool, crazy and creative, you may not and vice versa, so there.

Ten honest things about myself, hmmmmm let's see.

1~ I am fiercely loyal to my friends. I will cut you wide open if you eff with mine. Real talk.

2~ I love Mi.ck Jagg.er to reeses pieces!!! No for real!!!!

3~ No matter how old I get, I will always wear K-Swiss. That is my all time fav brand!

4 ~ This chick is scurred of the dark. Don't laugh that ish ain't funny!

5~ I believe in giving folks a second chance. It's on you when you mess up for the third time though, cause I'm done! LOL!

6~ I love to laugh, often and loud!!!!

7~ The child that I helped to raise is in jail and that hurts my heart because I can do nothing for him now.

8 ~ I want to believe that I am healed from uterine cancer but in the back of my mind, way, way, way back there, in the deep, dark, pit, in the furthestmost corner of my mind, something keeps telling me, it ain't so and it scares me because I can't get rid of it no matter how hard I try to stay focused on the positive light and goodness of the Lord.

9~ I had a dream last Monday that my dad was calling me and taking me by the hand and I woke up screaming for him to get away from me because I didn't want to go with him. I'm blaming it on the Rum and cranberry drink I had earlier that evening. This was my second drink in almost 7 months. I had a drink when chemo was over and I had a cocktail last week with friends. I was literally shaking and extremely upset when I woke up because I love my dad so, so very much and would love to see him again, just not anytime soon.

10~ This ish was hard as hell and I ain't tagging no freakin' body. If you want to do it, have at it. I told you I was a rebel, no disrespect Queen, it's just how I am.

Tennis, tea and trunk parties

It seems I'm always saying I'm tired. This must stop, so that means I have to get more rest because I am indeed exhausted!!!!

I went to bed really early yesterday too, say pretty much around 9:30 last night and I woke up at 3:00 this morning. Looked around, washed a wall, cleaned the upstairs bathroom, hung up a bunch of clothes, gathered some things together for the garage sale a friend and I are having in a couple of weeks, took off my toenail polish and contemplated life. Ha!!!!!!!

At 6:00am I went back to bed, woke up around 8:00 to Dollface squirming and asking her favorite question of what's for breakfast?

Washed my face, brushed my teeth, fixed our breakfast, ate, checked fb and a couple of emails. Took a shower, got dressed. Packed her bag for her sleepover, grabbed my gift for a trunk party and her dress for her tea party later, got her prepared for tennis. Went to tennis lessons and 10 minutes in, it started raining. Sat there for twenty more minutes until they called it a wash out. Left the courts, drove home, fixed her a quick snack, got her dressed for her party and repacked her bag. Drove 35 minutes out to the burbs for the tea party. Found out we beat the birthday girl there, LOL!!!! Had a wonderful time at the tea party for about 3 hours. Told Dollface she would be having a sleepover with her bff, the birthday girl, after the party was over and everyone was out of earshot, so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. Kissed my babydoll bye. Left there, got some gas and a big cup of coffee then drove 35 minutes back to the city to Dollface's oldest sisters trunk party. Hung out with a bunch o' folk for about two hours. Left there, got in my car, came home and now want to seriously crash!!!!

Church tomorrow and another possible gathering/BBQ/family reunion type of thingy!

Um, I'm tired!!! LOL!!!

Radiation begins today

I'm on my way to my first radiation treatment. You know how excited I am right? Yeah not so much! I asked how long the procedure would take and the lady on the phone said about an hour or two. I'm clicking my heels in the air again!!! I can soooooo do this!!!!

Dollface has another jam packed weekend filled with activities again.

Saturday -Tennis lessons AND her bff's tea party at an actual Tea Room! These childrens and their parties!!!! Later that evening she's staying over at that friends house for a sleepover. Uh, I'm nervous, this is her first non-relative sleepover. I'm gonna be frantic until she calls me the next day.

On the same day her oldest sister is having a trunk party/bbq. But I don't think Dollface will be going because it's pretty much the same time as the tea party and they are on complete opposite sides of town.

Tennis lessons start at noon til two. The tea party starts at 2:30 - 4:30 and the trunk party starts at 3:00 - 7:00.

I talked with her coach and he said she could do an hour of lessons, so we will leave tennis at 1:00, run home get her showered and changed into her party dress and fly out to the burbs for the party. Then I'll have to come back to the city for the trunk party after the tea party is over.

Ooh I'm tired again LOL!!!!!

Happy Thursday!

***Update***

Today was simply a consultation with the docs and an exam. So they think I might have to have 5 weeks of radiation, that will be given everyday Monday-Friday. Side effects are mostly fatigue and the dreaded d.

*Chanting to myself*

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

With His help of course!!!

Great America

We had a ball but baby I is tired!!!! Walking around a theme park all day long is tiring as hell!!! Man I was whooped. We were there from noon til 10:30pm and we got home around 12:30am Uh yeah a great day at Six Flags was had by all but once is surely enough for the season.

They didn't do the waterpark at all. It takes up too much time and the kids don't get a chance to get on as many rides. So this year they skipped it. Speaking of the rides, why did my Dollface punk out of all the thriller rides???? Girlfriend was like no thanks, I'll pass. Her cousins were all confused because she rode all the goodies last year with them and with me in Florida but she wasn't having none of it this time. She stuck with the safe rides. It was all good though.

I got on The Batman ride and it was enough for me!!!! I rode on a few other rides but mostly just watched them all have a ball!!! Whoo baby did I say I'm tired???? She is too.

Tennis lessons on Saturday, birthday party on Sunday, theme park all day long on Monday = a crabby, whiny, tired Dollface on Tuesday!

Pray for us LOL!!!

It's a little after 1:00pm and we're about to get showered and ready for another adventure. Totally easy and local summer fun though. Cause this sista is beat down!!!

Happy Tuesday folks!

Happy Birthday to Dollface

Oh my gosh what an awesome day for my Dollface baby girl! Chica changed her mind about the menu for her tea party at the last minute, no less. Instead of the cutesy finger sandwiches, girlfriend opted for hotdogs. The girl is a mess!!!! So it was about 11 little girls all cute as heck, all dressed up like little cutie patooties!!! The weather was soooo nice. Not too hot, sun shining with blue skies. Just the best day to be out in the yard. They did little arts and crafts type of stuff. Made bracelets, necklaces and friendship pins. Then they ate and played party Bingo. They had a good time!

Tomorrow we're headed to Si.x Fla.gs with her cousins and aunts. Big fun continues!!

Uh pray for me cause I'm tired already!!!!!! LOL!!!!

Random Thursday

Wow this summer is flying by. It's already the end of July and I haven't done half of the things I want to do before it's over. Well we did a couple of things, nothing big, just basic good summer fun stuff.

If ya didn't know chemo is over HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! I'm just tickled pink about that!!!!!! I'm currently getting iron infusions because my iron levels are low. That's nothing new. I've always been anemic. Two down three more to go. Easy peasy!!

Took Dollface out to the tennis courts today. She's getting better every week. Do you know that little girl is just about as tall as me? Hell, she's only 8, she has no right being as tall as her godmother!!!!!! My babydoll is looking me straight in the eye. It's very weird but she's still my dollfaced baby girl!!! Anyway she got quite a few shots over the net that I couldn't return. T.W. fist pumping for days on her end!!!! Hilarious!!!!!!!

My brother has given me a new nickname...Woodstock. He's a fool!!!!!!! My hair is wispy like Snoopy's sidekick, thus the name. But it is growing back!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! By winter I figure it should be fully grown in without my scalp showing. I sure hope my eyebrows grow back too. Now that is some crazy stuff. Hair just falling out like it did. I simply pencil in some lines and throw some mascara on the teeny bit I have left. That gives a little illusion of brows.

My weight is definitely playing tricks on me. Every three weeks during chemo I would lose and gain like 10-15 pounds. Uh how come I'm about 20-25 pounds heavier than I was when I was first diagnosed. *Shakes fists* Those damn steroids!!!!! I told yall I was gone blow up behind them suckas!!!!!!!!!

Working out and eating better is going to bring it back down I hope. Just have to stay motivated to lose the extra I gained during treatment and get some more off too!! My cute summer clothes from last year are now tight!!!! YIKES!!!!!!! I don't play wearing clothes that don't fit and every time you bend over your azz crack or muffin top is showing. OH HELLZ NAW!!!!!!!!! Not cute Bunny!!!!!! Not cute at all!!!

The Doll will be 9 come Sunday. She's having a tea party. Lawd help us. It's going to be super cute I hope. Why did she just call me and tell me to make lem.on blos.so.ms? That chile, I swear she cracks me up!!!!!! So I'll make em tomorrow cause Saturday we will be running around with tennis lessons and seeing Shorty Boss sing in a fake Ameri.can I.dol type of competition. Then church on Sunday and of course her party. I'm tired already. LOL!

I'm scheduled for a radiation appt next week. Uh, not looking forward to it but I know I have to do it. UGH!!!!!!!

My car will be paid off this year, Hallelujah!!!!!!!!! And I only have like 23,000 miles on it. Yep 6 years old and very little mileage!!! Yes sir!!!!!!!

MJ's passing was so surreal to me. I could hardly believe it. I surely hope his soul has found peace. Did you know that my MJ (Mick Jagger) and the king of pop collaborataed back in the 80's and had a hit called State of Shock? I loved that song, then and still do now!!!! I love anything with Mick in it. I'm a huge fan/stan whatever you want to call it!!!!!!

Single women who go after married men make me sick! I mean really what type of desperate heffa are you? I'm so damn glad that I'm not insecure and have to seek out attention by any means necessary. Just a nasty ass mess! Just UGH. Get away from me with that BS!!!!!! I'll never, ever have you around any of my married friends cause you just reek of desperateness. Gross!!!!!!! As a matter of fact I'm keeping you at a distance too. Don't want any of that grime rubbing off on me!!!!!!! And these are supposed to be people who are wrapped up in the Word. Just a big ole nasty mess!!!!!!

My troubled soul is in trouble again. I've said my prayers. That's about all I can do for him. It pains me but there is absolutely nothing I can do for him now. One of these days he is going to learn, or not. *shrugs shoulders*

After I get a clean bill of health from my many, many doctors, my ass is going to look for a job! I need to get back out there amongst the working folk!

Bi.g brot.her is back on again. I love this crazy show!!!!! Every summer I'm glued to the tv!!!! Wacky and outrageous folks make me laugh my butt off!!!!!! That house is totally dysfunctional and you know that makes for some good azz tv!!!!!

I so love my good girlfriends. These chicks will have you cracking the hell up til your sides ache!!!!! Planning a getaway with three of them next month.

Now that is going to be fun!!!!

Beautiful day!

Today was one of those beautiful days! I took Dollface out to the tennis court, she was whining and pouting the whole time. Girl betta stop playing with me! It's too nice to be cooped up in the house watching tv and playing video games!!!! Plus she needs to practice on her footwork per her tennis instructor. My brother enrolled her in a junior development tennnis program for the summer.

*Sidebar*

G is a total tennis nut!!!! He played for years in tourneys and such so he feels this is THE game for Dollface. He went and bought all her little shirts, shoes and socks too. Dude wasn't playin'. He said he was doing this for her and he came through. Love him for that.

She plays every Saturday for two hours and babydoll is getting much better. Hopefully she can continue throughout the winter months at the indoor tennis club as well. I'd love it if she could stay active in this sport. V and S Williams anyone?!? LOL!!!!

Anyways I took her out today for an hour and she was.not.happy.about.it.at.all. That is until we got out there and she started having fun hitting the balls back and forth with me. She especially likes it when I miss hitting the ball back to her. *Insert Ti.ger Wo.ods fist pump move here*

It's a big victory to her when she does that. LOL!!!!

It was sooooooo beautiful out. The sun was shining, the sky was an awesome blue and it wasn't too hot. Just made for a good little game of tennis, or practicing playing tennis, if you will.

Now it's looking as if it's gonna rain any minute and my girly girl is reading a book. Godmommy laid the smackdown on her. She hasn't really been doing anything brain stimulating and I need to do my part in not letting that brain go to mush this summer, ya know?

My Oncology nurses called me last week after chemo and told me my iron levels are super low. So now I have to do five weeks of iron infusions to boost it up.

I can do that with no problem. One hour a week for five weeks, easy peasy!!!!

Chemo is over baby!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!

Freaking fracking chemo suckkkkkkkkkkksssssss!!!!!!!

I did it, it's over!!!!!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aiight yall I gotta go cook dinner.

I've got a big azz smile on my face!!! I'm soooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!

Run around Wednesday

Day after chemo suckkkkkkkssssssss!!!!!!!

I did however, after my morning puke festival get up and get outta here. I had some errands to run. I had to pick up my city sticker from the alderman's office ~ $75.00 bucks ouch!!!

Ran over to Mich.aels. to pick up Dollface a new dollface baby that is similar to that AG doll I bought 2 years ago and a dress for it because the doll comes without any clothes on. It's her birthday at the end of the month. My babydoll will be nine years old. Where does the time go?

Hit up factory card outlet to pick up some cards. My mom's good friend was diagnosed with cervical cancer last week and they said it's not treatable :-(

Sending a card and plenty of hugs and kisses to go with it!

They gave her a minimum of two years. *big old heavy sigh* But I rebuke that prognosis because only He knows the time and hour that we will depart this earth. She may very well live much longer than those two years that they have thrown out there and if I know the Duchess, that's what we call her because her husbands nickname is Duke, then I know she will be living her life like it's golden baby!!!

Went to return my overdue library books and to see if they had Carleen Brice's "Children of the Waters", on hand. It won't be in a library here until the 18th of July. I found this author by way of that Original Old Girl herself, LadyLee!!! I read her other book, Orange, Mint and Honey and it was such a good book, that I want to read this one as well.

Stopped by Pete's Produce to pick up some strawberries, greenbeans and smoked turkey tails. Came home picked and cleaned the beans, threw all of them in the pot and now I'm about to chow down on it!! After I take my next dose of anti puke medicine that is!!!

It's been raining all day today with a high around 65 degrees. I needs me some sun because all this doggone rain is making me sleepy as hell!!!

So whatchall got going on today?

Winding down

I am so glad for tomorrow because it is my very last chemo treatment!!!!!!!!! I'm feeling ecstatic and a little bit hesitant not wanting to jinx anything ya know? God has really held it down for me because I didn't lose my freakin' mind behind this mess. He just gave me that peace that knows no limits. That Jesus peace baby! Oh man God has been sooooooooo good to me. These past few months I have been living a wonderfully, blessed life in spite of my little storm. I just keep telling myself that He hears my prayers and the prayers of many, many others on my behalf. Those who have just stepped up and interceded for me when I was down and didn't think I'd make it. I made it yall!!! I'm celebrating when it's all over, trust and believe.

Right now I'm recovering from mucho partying over the weekend. I haven't been out like that in forever!!! I'm talking getting 4 hours of sleep in two days type of partying. I'm way too old for that ish!!!!!! LOL!!!! But I still made my way to church on Sunday. Gotta give Him all the glory, honor and praise!!!

I love my life right now. I mean I know I have a bunch of shortcomings, we all do, hell!!!!!!! I ain't perfect, my life is not perfect but I'm here!!!!!!!! I'm alive and I'm living and breathing and life is sooooooo good!!!!!! I love all of you all out there for checking in on me and just praying for a sista! Yall are awesome!!!!!!!!

One more freakin', frackin' chemo treatment baby!!!! I am so fucking happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could scream and kick my heels in the air, dangit!!!!!!!! But you know I can't kick no heels in the air. I'd fall and bust my azz for sure!!!!!! Then I'd be back in the hospital for some more crazy mess!!

These past two weeks have been really good for me. Dollface and I went to the Taste of Chicago and we had a good time. We ate a lot of tasty food, saw a bunch of folks, walked down to Buckingham Fountain and took pics and just had a really, relaxing, fun filled, eating day!!!

Last weekend I went to the 40th annual Pride parade and got a bunch of trinkets, beads and goodies. We had a blast watching all the floats and bands. You haven't experienced anything until you experience a pride festival!!!!!!! Many, many glamorous queens strutting their stuff and just workin' it out!!!! Them divas be doing-t it baby!! All in 4 and 5 inch heels. Just a bunch of crazy, adult fun!

This weekend I hung out with one of my good friends, we partied like crazy and ooh boy my butt was ti-red!!!!! We went out for breakkie after clubbing hard at IHOP and she found a piece of brillo pad in her pancakes. Uber gross!!!!!!! I taped it too. We were trippin' hard because the mgr was sooooooo nonchalant about it. Never going to that IHOP again, never, ever, ever!!!

Took the Doll to soccer tonight and she wasn't feelin' it AT ALL. My brother had taken her out earlier to play tennis so chica was whupped!!! I wasn't feelin' it either at one point I asked her was she ready to leave cause I was hell!!! Just being honest here. LOL!!! She didn't want to leave though cause she thought she'd miss getting her snacks.

~Rolls eyes and deep sighs~

Whatfreakin'ever Dollface.

But now I'm resting because the last, last, last chemo treatment is finally here and I'm done and I'm overjoyed!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully it won't do me in too bad. I'll be down for a couple of days and then back to my old self again, I pray.

Baby I can't wait!!!!!!!

The brillo pad incident from this past weekend.

Wednesday Rambling

Oh what a glorious morning!!!!!!! I love it when I wake up and the sun is shining, the birds are chirping *not too loud little birdies* LOL and it's warm and beautiful. My windows are open and it just feels wonderful. That's what got me through this past winter. Waiting for moments like this cause baby, ooh chile this past winter was a doozy!! I kept telling myself summer is coming just hold on. Soon enough you will have the windows open with the warm summer breezes coming in and all will be well.

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

I love the summer. My dad loved the summer too. Shoot any given weekend he'd pack up his fishing gear, pull out his boat and be gone!!! I miss those days but I know there's gotta be some fishing going on in heaven right? Yeah doesn't the Word say something about making "fishers of men?"

Yeah pontificate on dat for a minute!!!

Yesterday at the speakers series a lady brought me my own portable, battery operated fan.

Gloraayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

God is too good to me honey.

A few weeks ago I told her how cute hers was and that I must go out and find one. Shoot she wrapped it up for me and everything!!! It will come in super handy when I break out into one of those many, many hot flashes!!! Another lady in the group calls it a power surge. Bring em' on if it's good for me!!!

Yesterday we took Dollface to the beach for the first time this summer. Girlfriend was lovin' it as usual. When we were leaving she asked when were we coming back?

Gotta love kids! Gonna try and take her 2 cousins the next time we go.

The Taste of Chicago starts this Friday and runs til July 5th. You know that ultimate food and music fest. Got my discounted tickets last week and I'll be making my way through the many booths with foil and zip lock bags in tow, cause I can't throw down anymore. A little bite of this and a little bite of that and I'm done. LOL!!!

F.ace.bo.ok is addicting. Yep I've been bitten.

One more chemo session to go, just one more!!!!!!!

Thank You Jesus for holding it down! I got through this only by your Grace and Mercy!!

Happy Wednesday!

Sunday wrap up

Wow it's already Sunday night and boy am I exhausted!!!!!!!! It finally has heated up here in Chicago and I love it but with these hot flashes, man I'm a flippin' mess!!!!!!!

It's also Father's Day so I salute all you dads out there doing your thang. I mean really holding it down. Not that bullish I gotta babysit my kids crap. Cut that mess out. You don't babysit your own kids, who even says shit like that? Whatev!!!!

To my brother, who has no kids either but loves Dollface like she's his own. Man that little girl adores him. She wrote an essay about her Gaga (that's what she calls him) in school and received an excellent grade on it. She said he was the person she admired the most. Damn smack in the face to her biological and that's for sure.

I was pretty busy running around with Dollface's oldest sister today, so I didn't have a chance to get weepy from missing my own beautiful dad. For years I totally forgot this day. Hated even thinking about him not being here. It just downright sucked. I'm much better now. I mean I didn't even cry today, that's huge for me. When it comes to my daddy, the tears be a flowing, fast and furious.

Let's see after service this morning we went to Target to register this child for a trunk party she is having in August. Her little boyfriend met us there too. He's also leaving for college and registered as well. Shoot he got there an hour after we were there and I took my happy butt to the car and chilled. Then we went to K-Mart for them to register there and then to Bed, Bath and Beyond, for them to register there. Then to Bath and Body for her to pick up some personal stuff while the sale is still on. Then I was like ya girl here gotta get home and take some meds. I was feeling kinda pukey. They wanted to go to Wally World but I was like not today kids, hellous to the nous!!!!

We stopped at Portillos and got some grub cause the little boyfriend was soooooooo hungry, as he kept telling us LOL!!!! Ari and I took the majority of our food home with us. I wasn't really hungry at all. I shouldn't have ordered anything. I hate wasting money on food out in the street now. I can never eat half of the crap I order. *sigh* Eyes still bigger than my damn stomach.

Well I dropped him off at the train and took her home and I went home and changed outta my church clothes, took that hot ass wig off and got into my snoopy pjs and seriously chilled!!! It was after six when I got home. I was sooooooooo tired!!!!!!

Yesterday we went and celebrated my brother, his best friend and his girlfriend's birthday at Chi-Tung restaurant. Their food is yummy but of course I brought food home and it's in the fridge. I have food in the freezer from two weeks ago when we celebrated the graduates from the same restaurant. We need a deep freezer cause we waste so much food by just putting it in the fridge vs. the freezer.

I haven't really eaten too much of anything this whole weekend and baby for that I'm glad. That means these extra pounds I picked up will be coming off. I don't know if it's the sudden heat and humidity that's taking away my appetite or my last chemo treatment but whatever hell I'm good. I've been eating the heck outta these cherries. They are soooooooo tasty!!!!

Tomorrow I see my oncologist and we will discuss radiation again. I soooooo am not thrilled at what the hell they have to do to me. Something about an intravaginal device and laying on my back for days without getting up. Sounds like hell to me but then again I don't know what hell is like do I? Shit I think I do. This has been some hellacious bullshit and I'm sooooo ready to be done with all of this mess never to repeat it again. LOL!!!! Well actually not so loud, kinda silent if you will. *shrugs shoulders*

Happy Father's Day!!!!