Feels like...

Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I am so disappointed with myself. My body is not agreeing with me at all. I didn't work out not once this week because my mind has really done a job on me.

I was sooooo pumped at first because we had some wonderful weather last week and I wanted to train outside, so I did. HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! That was a total bust. I didn't last more than 10 minutes for the whole session. I was completely distracted and I let that deter me from what I was supposed to be doing. I was so damn mad but I told myself that I would do it again the next day and once again I was outside at the park and I could not find my mojo AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to cry, I was so upset that I couldn't pull it out. Started off with the brisk 5 minute walk and then I was supposed to jog for 90 seconds or 180 seconds I don't have my training sheet with me and my legs just said, "Hell to the no chick, you ain't about to be pounding on us out here on this damn concrete, WTF dude?" So I stopped jogging and started walking and talking to myself. Giving myself that boost of confidence you know, you can do this, you've been training for 4 weeks, it takes time but you can do this girl! Come on!!! So I started jogging again only for like 10 seconds then I stopped and walked for like 20 seconds and then I started jogging again and this happened maybe 3 times til I just couldn't make myself jog anymore. Tried to jog in the grass hoping that would help and it was just as difficult. *sigh* Ended up walking the entire rest of the way. A nice brisk walk but I was not enthused in the least bit.

Then my body played a cruel trick on me and I wound up in the ER for about 10 hours. Scared the living crap outta me. I had an intense, burning pain in my stomach. Haven't felt this type of pain since last year after the hysterectomy when I had the fluid drained from my stomach. You know what I thought don't you? Yeah, they did a round of tests including an EKG, CT scan, Xray and no the cancer is not back *Thank you Jesus!* They don't know what it was but they did say it was nothing serious that they could find and to follow up with my oncologist, she requested that I go to the ER. I have a scheduled appointment with her for this coming Wed and I'll see her then. So far the pain hasn't returned and I'm oh so glad!!!

That was on Thursday and on Friday we had a retirement party to attend. It was wonderful. A friend of the fam was retiring from 30 years of ER practice. Mom asked her was she gonna get a side job doing some pharmacy work or something and Sharon was like, "Uh, that would be a no!" Dr. S. is retired for good!!!!! Thirty years working for Cook County Hospital in the ER, baby she deserves this break! The music was pumping and drinks were flowing, folks were having a ball and I'm glad I was able to go and celebrate that milestone with everyone.

Today is Saturday and I have another party to attend tonight at a friend's house. It's an Old school blue lights basement party. This is gonna be wild. These folks be off the chain. I forgot my camera last night, changing purses sucks!!!!!!!! But I will for sure have the cam tonight and will be clicking away. Wearing an afro wig if my head will let me, got a bit of a headache still from Thursday, think I'm dehydrated and from drinking that awful mess they make you take before a scan. It always messes with me. I HATE THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now as far as the race goes, I think not. That's only 12 days away and I haven't had one decent workout in well over a week and I was already behind. *sigh* This sucks majorly to me and I feel awful about it. What I will do is try again tomorrow but only if I feel good enough because I honestly ain't feeling it. Can yall tell I'm kinda in the dumps about this? Could totally be my effin' mind and no postitive thinking. I need positive energy flowing through these veins *going back to check fatmanrunning's blog for some inspiration* and I also need my damn bff to get off her butt and join me like she said she would, heffa!!!! That ain't gonna happen either! She's going out of town for the job for three days.

Gonna see what the doc says too. I know she told me to get out there and exercise but I haven't told her I'm trying to run a race lol!!! Knowing Dr. R. she might be all for it PLUS I have to get these pounds off of my body!

On the upside I have lost about 6 pounds since I started training. YAY ME!!!!!!!!!

Going to get a bottle of water, gotta stay hydrated. Headache be gone!!!! *Waves magic wand*

Happy Saturday yall!