Thursday, January 28, 2010

Delete button please!!!

Last week I was listening to the televison, yeah only listening not watching, when this one certain commercial kept playing over and over again. So when I heard it for the 12th time, I said ok, I'd give it a try. The commercial was for an online dating site. *sigh*

What the hell was I thinking?????? Where is the delete button when you need one???? I feel soooooooo dirty!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!! Yeah I know plenty of folks that have gone online and found the mate of their dreams but um this ish is hard!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus I thought the site was free. NOT!!!!!!!!

So I have a few messages waiting for my response and I can't even see them because no I am not paying x amount of money MONTHLY to get a date or to see if I want to date you. Doesn't that seem a tad bit um CA-RAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYY!!! I am not knocking it but it ain't me baby! I want to delete my profile and pic but I don't see the delete button!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I'm just out there for all the singletons to see!! So damn funny!!!!!!!!!!!

This is soooooooooo unlike me for real but I said I wanted to try new things out this year. I'm so laughing at my silly self for this one. I swear I get caught up all the time with stuff when I act impulsively.

Back to the drawing board... LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Twenty years ago

I can not believe it has been this long since I've seen his face, heard his voice, smelled his cologne, hugged him and was hugged back. I miss my dad. I'd give anything and I do mean anything to see that man in this world again. To hear his hearty laugh, to touch his face, to watch him wash his hands which was the first thing he'd do after coming home from work. To hear him call my name, his name sake. To be comforted by him when I felt as if my little world had been rocked. Just anything! I'd even take his long lectures again. *sigh*

Twenty years is a long time to miss someone who you know will never come back, never hear their voice in real time, never go on road trips with, never just sit and be in their presence.

On January 26, 1990 my dad stopped breathing. He let go, pancreatic cancer took over and invaded his body. He fought for 11 months but on that day he was too weak to fight a second longer. He gave it his all but didn't win that battle. On that day in January my whole world stopped, I wanted to die with him, oh how I wanted to be buried with him. I know I've stated that I never thought I would smile or be happy again on that day so many years ago.

On January 26, 2009 I was sitting with my oncologist mapping out a plan to save my life with toxic drugs to kill the cancer cells that had invaded MY body. Irony man just...irony.

Today, which is January 26, 2010, I'm going to see a dynamic speaker at the cancer center. She totally touched my life last year around this time. That is when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She shared with us that even though it was going to be a battle, that she would EXPECT GREAT THINGS. That was her testimony. You can go through hard times, devastating times but just keep the faith and believe that God will do exceedingly above all, well how can you go wrong?

We've kept in touch over the year through emails and I get to see her again later today. I'm excited because this date usually gives me such grief and I'm usually depressed as hell but now I have something happy to equate with/to it. She's doing well, her treatment is over she shared that with me in her last email and she said on her last treatment day she released the tears and felt so comforted by God. Yall remember my last treatment day, I released those tears and thanked everyone for praying for me constantly and I was soooooooooo eternally grateful to God for seeing me through that illness. I felt COMFORTED, it was over and I had made it.

She said she thinks of me often and that we are sisters on the same journey. Hell this was a journey I never, ever wanted to take but we've both come out on the other side as survivors. But that really made me think, as much as I miss my dad, that on the 20th anniversary of his death I'll be sitting with a "sister" with whom I share a common bond and that she and I both were comforted by our heavenly "Father" just makes me think he had a little bit to do with us meeting.

Twenty years....

Rest in Eternal Peace my beautiful Daddy!!!

Random Monday

Been on fb wayyyyyyyy too much lately and been neglecting the blog. Joined a "Biggest Loser" contest last week at the library. Thought they met every week and as it turns out it's only once a month. Boooooooooo!!! Considering joining a gym to help get rid of these extra pounds I picked up last year.

Everything looks good my doc says get back to exercising with light workouts, nothing strenuous (is that spelled right?) but I must buy that binder first and wear it daily. *sigh* She said no surgery for a minute. I'm happy about that cause surgery sucks! Don't know how long she wants me to wait though. Maybe she's waiting for 6 months after treatment which will put me roughly around April I guess. I haven't had any pain there because I have not been lifting anything heavy, well I tried not to lift anything because I did go to the store and buy 4 cases of water YIKES. Haven't lifted anything since.

Going to see a speaker tomorrow that I totally adore!!! She's the speaker that encouraged me to do a journal of all the cards I rec'd while I was going through treatment and to Expect Great Things everyday. It's been a year for her as well. She was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly before she spoke with us last year and we have been keeping in touch via email. She's doing well and I can't wait until I get to see her smiling face tomorrow. You know some people come into your life and they just touch you with their warm and kind spirit. Yep that's her.

Dollface is officially wishy washy! One minute she's hardcore into studying and the next she's like fuhgitaboutit!!! *sigh* In the words of Monnie, Imma fight that kid!!! LOL!!

We went to see T.he Nex.t Do.or on Saturday and we had plenty of laugh out loud moments.

*Whispers* Church is beginning to feel like a chore again and I don't like that at all. Didn't help that I totally slept through the sermon. I know I ain't the only one to sleep through a sermon am I?

24 tonight, YES!!! Get em' Jack!!!!!!!!!!!

Having no sun for a few days is not good. C'mon where are you sunny days????

Summer is coming soon, oh I guess Spring should come first right? Oh how I love sunny, summer days!!!


Been soooooooo long.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


You know what time it is don't you???? Jack is back baby!!!!!!!! Let's go!!!!

Nothing but Jack for two hours tonight and two hours tomorrow!!


I <3 24!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Well here we are in 2010. A brand new year is underway and how does it start off with me and the Doll? Horribly!!!!!!!!! Whenever she has a break from school, when it's time to get back in the swing of things, we butt heads like two rams!!! 'Cept she's a Lion and I'm the Ram!!!! Two strong signs, both wanting their way. *sigh*

Day two of homework did not go well, not at all!!!

Let's just say she walked out of the room and when I called her back, she wanted NOTHING to do with me. Went straight to my mom and balled like a baby and would not come talk to me until my mother damn near had to push her to go.


You know my heart was crushed!!!! I mean she didn't even want to look at me. She said I pushed her too hard and that she had no clue what she was doing today. I do tend to raise my voice when I KNOW she KNOWS the work but is putting forth absolutely no effort to do it. That ticks me off to no end!!!! Give me something that lets me know you're at least trying. Don't just sit there and stare at your hands kid!!! She wasn't feeling me at all after that.

We've been going through this for years now. Sometimes I don't know how to reach her and sometimes we just hug it out and we make it work. Lately I haven't been so patient and will give up and just say go on to the next subject. I'm no teacher, that's for sure. Today really put me in a bad place. The look on her face just tore me up and I wanted to crawl under a rock and die! By the time she was going home, we were good. I told her she should talk to her teacher first thing in the morning and have her to explain division again because she still doesn't grasp the concept of how and why. Dollface tends to overthink everything. Her teacher has told us this a few times. She knows how to add and multiply but she doesn't get this division thing at all. Seems simple and I tried to break it down into even simpler terms, whereas she understood while I was explaining but when it came to writing the process down she couldn't do it.

She's growing up and quickly. I'm not supergodmommywhocandonowronginhereyes anymore. I don't know if I can handle all of this challenging me stuff. Hell I know I can't handle it!!!

Being a parent/teacher has to be the hardest job ever!!! *big ol heavy sigh*