Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas 2010!!!

Ooh Santa, and by Santa I mean Jesus, was good to us in the Brown household this Christmas!!!

Hope your holidays are filled with everything and everyone you love.

Happy and Joyous Noel to you and yours!!!


Thursday, December 23, 2010

Eve of Christmas Eve

It's almost Christmas!!! I bought toooo much stuff not for the doll but for myself!!!! LOL!!! That hardly ever happens but hell I ain't taking nothing back!!!

Got stuff to wrap and right about now I need a nap.

Mom is making gumbo and we will be eating that for a good week, til gumbo is coursing thru our veins!!!!

I am extremely disappointed in Mr. Cupcake Gallery man. Yeah he messed me over big time. Not about his cupcakes but another business related issue. Money can't buy you happiness but it sure does put gas in your car and pay the cell phone bill. Oh well, lesson learned. Cash up front from now on and if it starts off trife, it will end that way as well. Oh but please believe KARMA is messing with him big time right now and it will continue until he does right by me. I will NOT chase him for my money. I called, I texted, he promised to send me my money and 3 weeks later he still didn't follow through. BOY BYE!!!! I'm done!!!

My exercise guru will be leaving for training in another state for 10 weeks and I'm just sick about it. She is a maniac about exercising but I need that and appreciate it too. Cool chica, gonna miss her craziness!!! But she said don't worry I'll still have to report like she is in town. LOL!!!

Cannot believe this year is dunzo!!! 2010 buh bye!!!

2011 C'mon let's get this party started son!!!

Happy Holidays to you and yours. Make it safe and have a ball!!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Home again

We are home again safely from Vegas!!! We are EXHAUSTED beyond belief but had a good time with family. Going to hibernate for the rest of winter.


Sunday, December 12, 2010

Winter Fuckin Storm!!!

Awwww hell!!!!!!!!!! This massive storm/blizzard/freezing cold is fuggin' with my travel plans!!!! We are supposed to leave for Vegas in the morning and airports are already cancelling flights, football games are being postponed due to the teams not being able to get to the cities in which they are playing and I'm sitting here ticked off!!!!! Wondering are we gonna get to the airport in the morning and be turned around???


We had a really good caribbean vacation though, so all is not lost!!! Maybe we can go again at a later date. Just wanted to go see the fam in Vegas before my next surgery which will probably be in Jan, mid Feb.

I just told mom yesterday that we were going to Vegas on Monday and she was totally geeked!!! I hope this storm tapers off so we can get outta here for a couple more days. Then enjoy a good old fashioned Christmas with snow and cold, LOL!!!

Happy Holidays to you and yours!!!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Made it home safely

We're back from our fun vacay. We took a cruise to the Bahamas, St. Thomas and St. Maarten. The weather was kinda lousy for the caribbean but still better than home. We didn't make it to not one beach. BUMMER!!!!!!!!!! I am soooooo a beach lover so it pained me not to be able to get some sand between my toes. The day I wanted to hit the beach my mother was feeling kinda sick. So of course I wasn't gonna drag her to the beach. We pretty much chilled out that day. We did go out to port but stayed close to the dock. We didn't take the water taxi into town. That was the prettiest day, when we were in St. Maarten. We had a really good time on The Oasis of The Seas. The ship was massive and they had sooooooooo many activities for us to do. I can't say one bad thing about it. Just a quickie update cause I'm about to go crash! One day to relax and then back to the airport to go to Vegas.

Happy Holidays!!!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Post Thanksgiving Randoms

I was going thru my archives for when I was going thru chemo treatment and man I was a busy soul!! I was determined not to sit around the house and feel sick. Every week I was on the go, living life and loving life, even in the midst of the biggest storm EVER. Ain't God Awesome?!? There is no way on earth I could have gone thru all that and still remained sane. Well as sane as a crazy person like me could be! LOL!!!

Whoo Wee!!! Praise God all that is over!!!

Thanksgiving was wonderful! Dinner with the fam and friends. Then later went to the B.Friday sales with 3 teenagers!!! We had soooooooooo much fun. Out all night long!!!! Got to Target around midnight and stood outside in the freezing ass cold til 1:30 and I said I can't do this bull!!! Fuckasale!!!!! Took my frozen azz to get some coffee and hightailed it over to Old.Na.vy. Stood outside about 10 minutes cause they had a 500 person limit in the store. Yeah it was crowded as hell in that joint. We were in there for 2 hours!!!! Got a few things for the Dollface and the 3 girls got some stuff too. On to the mall next door. Stayed there for about 2 hours shopping and laughing with all the other mad crazy folks!!! One of the teens didn't bring her contact case or solution, so we had to find a drugstore. Problem was, none of them were open yet. So we went to a grocery store for her stuff after hitting a couple of strip malls. She took out her contacts about seven that morning and then we headed to breakfast. Then the sleepies hit and two of the girls were wiped out!!!!!!! I went to one more store in the mall to pick up some Bandalino shoes for my mom, while the girls stayed in the car. The shoes were originally priced at $60.00, I got em for $24.00!!! YAY ME!!!

Dropped off one of the teenagers at home in the boonies and then went to another mall. Picked up some hella good stuff and by this time it was 10:30am and I was getting sleepy!!!! Drove the two cousins home and they had crashed by this time. I laughed!!! Thought they'd be wide awake the whole entire time. Came home stashed all my stuff, left some at a friends house, got in the bed and crashed for a bit. My body was soooooooooo sore I had to almost bathe in wintergreen alcohol. Cramps in my legs and thighs like crazy!!! I'm old I have to keep reminding myself!!! LOL!!!! Shoulda gassed up the wheelchair man!!!!

So I couldn't get the Wii fit bundle and nobody has any now. But mom will be cool cause I'm taking her to Vegas for a couple of days, a week before before Christmas. Yeah I got a good deal on some tickets and hotels rates are super cheap. We have family in Vegas so that should make up for it I hope.

This week is going to fly by!!! AND we are leaving for a cruise this Friday!!! I AM TOO STOKED!!!!! So this week will be dedicated to packing and getting ready to leave the windy city!!! Hello Florida, Bahamas, St. Thomas and St. Maarten!!!

Working out like crazy. I got an exercise guru on my tail!!! That's a good thing!! She always says, "Don't play with me, I WILL FIGHT YOU!!!" LOL!!! Keeps me on my toes, such a good thing!!!!

So grateful to God for blessing me all the time. Even when I don't deserve it.

Giving Him all the Thanks!!!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


What up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big echo in this joint!!!

Went to see The Lion King tonite and it was fab!!! The costumes and the set!!!!!!!!!!! Baby the colors just grab you and the dancing and music, I loved it!!!!!!!!! So glad I got to see it with my Dollface too!!! Did I tell yall that chick is my height???? Yes my little babydoll is going to be taller than me in just a matter of minutes because I swear she grows everyday!!!! Her dad is pretty tall so yeah, she gets it quite naturally.

Today was report card pickup day and my girly made the honor roll!!! Woot Woot!!!

So proud of her!!!!

Missed working out today, boooooooooooo!!! But I won't tomorrow so yay for me!!!

Mom wants Wii fit for Christmas, so guess who will be picking that up prob on Black Fri?

Yep she gets what she wants. Sometimes :)

I need a new cell phone provider. AT&T sucks. Those jokers just went up ten whole dollars on my bill, for what???? I can't call Mars or nothing can I???

That ten dollars could be going in my gas tank hell!!!!!

Gonna put up the Christmas decorations on Saturday, well help her to bring that ish up from downstairs cause tell the troof and shame the devil. I AIN'T DECORATING NOTHING!!!

That ain't my game. I let her have fun and do that crap and she loves it!!!! Be looking all pretty and whatnot lol!!!

I miss him. I always miss him more around the holidays.


Bought the cutest hat today and rocked it right to the Lion King. Yeah I was cute as hell in that hat and WARM too. #HATESBEINGCOLD

I think i might treat myself to an Ipod/touch or some type of thingy for Christmas. I don't know really yet. Music makes your workout go by sooooooooooooo much quicker!!!

Gonna finish paying off some of these medical bills that have bitten me in the ass for the past two years now. Yeah it's been 2 years since I was diagnosed with cancer.

KISS MY ASS cancer. I told you i was gonna kick its butt right?

I did that ish!!!! Like it was trying to steal something!!!

Loves life man!!!

Life is good man!!!!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Hey yall I'm back!!!!!! Gotta find all the oldies that I used to frequent and learn how to do this blog ish all over again. I'm mostly on facebook now. Over the summer I met some cool folks from blogland. Hey yall!!!!! Turkey day is next week. Gonna be some good eating going on!!! I'm working out a lot and I hope I lose all this weight I gained over the last year. Ok just a quick update to say I'm back!!!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Be careful what you wish for...

Just the other day I was saying that I needed to break my addiction to the computer and bam yesterday the computer crashed at home. Well wish freakin' granted!!! I'm at my local library right now typing this. I think an involuntary break is upon me and instead of freaking out I will take this time out and do some other things. I'll probably get back on after Easter. Sort of like giving up blogging and fb for lent. *shrugs shoulders* I don't know how long I will actually last but I'm gonna give it my all. So maybe I can go back to drinking my coffee now huh? Nooooooo I'm still giving it up too, just on Sundays I indulge with lovely, lovely cups o'joe!!!!!!!! *sigh*

Take care yall!

Friday, February 26, 2010


So nope I didn't have to go off on the little girls. Dollface told me kids who tell on other kids get teased even more. That's bullying in my book and I don't like it one bit. She pointed out one of the girls to me and I was walking toward her and Dollface begged me to please not say anything. I told her she better take care of it then and not come home crying over what some mean old ugly girls said to her. Her mom also had a nice convo with the afterschool coordinator. Dollface baby's mom is straight hood. I don't know how she ever had a child like Dollface. lol!

The competition was today and her team came in 3rd place. You know what happened don't you?

Yep she cried. *sigh*

Like a baby right after the pics were taken of the entire 4 teams with their trophies.

I told her maybe she shouldn't be in the competition next year if she's gonna be a sore loser. The assistant principal tells the kids all the time that everyone is a winner who participates. She wasn't trying to hear none of it!!!

I love that kid with her uber sensitivity!!! Three of her classmates were sitting in the back waiting on her and they all looked puzzled as heck. Some of them had never been in the competition and Dollface has been in it for 4 years in a row. Last year her team came in second place, she was stoked!!!!!!!!! She wanted to crawl under a rock this year. *sigh*

She has to realize you can't win em all and when you don't, you have to learn how to accept that defeat graciously or else little chica is gonna be in for a world of trouble and heartache.

Well I won today!!! I smacked the hell outta that elliptical baby!!! I went a whole 20 minutes!!! Did you hear that? TWENTY WHOLE MINUTES!!!!!!!! Hellz yeah. I won!!!!!!!!! Oh and an hour and ten minutes in the pool too! So yeah I'm bad!!!!

Happy Friday yall!!!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Dollface part 2

She did get selected for the heritage program but she's still slacking on studying the extra material. Today is Thursday and the program is tomorrow. She knows some of the answers but if they switch it up like they did the geography bee, her team will be hurtin!!! Oh man that geography bee was a total bust!!! We were sitting in the audience looking like WTH???? Their study packets were just a look into geography. The questions they asked were waaaaaaayyyyyyyy off base. Parents were looking at each other like, do you know that answer? We were all hunching our shoulders like nope.

Dollface has some kids(2 little ugly girls and I call them ugly for how they are acting) in her afterschool group that are getting ready to see my wrath. They're teasing her and calling her names and I'm not diplomatic or rational when it comes to picking on my babydoll. My inner, Hand that rocks the Cradle babysitter Peyton, is about to come busting out. Don't start none, won't be none. Dollface is THE sweetest, most passive child in the world when it comes to her friends and classmates. I think she feels outta place a little bit because of her height and weight. She towers over most of the kids at school and she's a big girl for 9. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let you call her out of her name without roughing you up a lil'. Hmpffffffff. I might need somebody to come bail me out. These little mean azz girls called my baby a stingy, fat, freak because she wouldn't give them her extra art supplies and she had tears in her eyes. Yeah somebody bout to get an azz whuppin from me! She said she told the teacher and her mom but this isn't the first time these chicks have said something about her. Initially we told her to ignore them but you know what, damn alla that. Keep your little mouth shut or else I'll shut it for ya. I hate mean kids. Mean kids suck!!! Oh and bet not, yeah bet not, nobodies mama come saying nothing to me about speaking to her kid. Cause I'll bust her in the mouth too!!!! See no coffee AND messing with my baby will get you cut and cussed out!!!!!!

*Bunny throws up fake gangs signs and exits stage right*

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


They grow up so fast!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Not on the good foot

Today has been a total off day for me. I mean everything was thrown off!!!!!!!!! I woke up late, got to the speakers series late, exercised late, ate late. JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you hate when an off morning sets the tone for the whole day???? To top it off tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, oh boy!!!! I so need to give up coffee but.... the flesh is weak!!!!!!!!!! Oh lord forgive me a sinner!!!!!!!!!!! I just bought a new bag of a special blend called Crooked Brew and it's soooooooo good!!!

I am going to give up coffee for Lent. I can do that!!!! Yes I can do that!!!! 40 days without coffee is not going to kill me!! I can switch to tea. We have some amazing flavors in the pantry and tea is much better for me anyway. When I say I'm addicted to coffee I mean I get serious headaches if I don't have any and I know that is awful!!!! So yes, I'm giving up coffee. For Lent, not for good. Maybe by the time Easter rolls around I will have kicked my addiction and won't crave coffee like I do now. We'll see!!!

Tomorrow is the day for the selection of teams for the annual heritage contest at my Doll's school. Ya know we go thru madness every year. This year is no different!!! She was off for a total of 5 days. Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun and Mon and I told her to study one hour, one stinkin' little hour each day. Two pages for one hour and she would be set. She knew two pages already so she was on her way. Well today when we were studying you know what happened don't you? Yeah her butt didn't study everyday so she didn't know much of the new material. Instead of me panicking like I usually do, I said, "Oh well." If she doesn't get selected it's on her. I can't and I won't stress myself out over her lack of studying when she's at home. I can only do what I can when she's here, that's it, that's all. I'm giving that up for 2010 and beyond. I only want the best for her but if her mom won't push her to do more at home, then so be it. Mediocrity suckssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!! My mom didn't push me hard either and I suffered greatly for it!! So I know that's why I push Dollface so hard. *sigh*

I love going to work out! I mean it's still a struggle to actually do it but I feel so damn good after it's over!!! The treadmill sucks man!!!!! I want to run on it but I feel unsteady. Bunny ain't graceful if ya didn't know!!! LOL!!!! Plus the doc said un uh!!!!!!! Folks be gettin' that ish in baby!!! It's inspiring to see everybody in there doing the damn thang!!! Makes me wanna do more. My usual workout is swimming for 45 minutes, treadmill for 25-45 minutes and the elliptical for as long as I can hang, which so far has been a whopping 10 minutes! That thing is the devil!!!! I'll get better at it I know and I'm tired as heck when I leave there but I feel refreshed as well. Does that make sense??? I still need a workout partner. I'm totally envious of the people that have someone to work out with them. I think that makes it a tad easier. IDK???

I'm grateful that I have so much time to put in right now but I truly need to be back in the land of the working folk!!! My oncologist scares me though. Everytime I see that chick she's lining me up for some more dreaded ass tests!!! I need a trustfund just to take care of all these medical bills I have acquired!!! I mean for real they are astronomical!!!!!!!!!!! Thinking of all I owe puts me in a bad place. Seriously my stomach starts hurting and my heart beats really, really fast and I get frazzled big time!!!!!!!! I need an assistant when it comes to the medical billing aspect of my life. It's soooooooooooo overwhelming!!!!!

I think I had too much coffee today. I'm on cup three right now trying to squeeze in as much as I can before tomorrow. What a goof!!!! Got the shakes trying to drink coffee like it's my last day on earth or something. *sigh*

Cole...I'm stoopid!!!!! lol!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Wow it's February already, time is flying!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats to the Saints, I didn't know they had never won the Superbowl! Hell I'd celebrate too just because and I don't even follow football anymore!

Every time Black History Month comes around I forget all the achievements we have made to society. I'm like damn really?

Been knitting for, ok scratch that, I've been going to knitting class for almost a year now. Ask me what I've knitted!

I joined a gym last week. That elliptical machine is nothing nice!!! I worked out 4 times last week and so far twice this week. Gotta get it right baby!

Dollface got her report card last week too. She didn't make the honor roll :( Math kicked her booty!!! All A's and B's and one C in math. We gotta do better. She wasn't too pleased with herself and I reminded her of all the opportunities we had to kick it up with the drilling and studying and she just gave me the puppy dog eyes and cried. I told her I wasn't interested in the tears cause they weren't gonna change that grade man! I told her we were gonna work harder to make it better, she sniffled something like, "yeah right." *sigh*

24 was off the dang chart this week!! I was like OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so love that show but I think they need to end it this season because the torture scenes are getting to be a bit redundant and we all know that Jack is going to kick some major ass after!

I have to write down every.single.thing, if not, it's totally forgotten! Why is my brain like this??? A couple of my friends say it's happening to them too. We old man, we old!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of old, I will be 44 this year. Damn Gina!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it and I'm soooooooooo looking forward to it!!!

Almond granola bars are the best snack to me after my workouts! Sweet and salty, mmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!

Been toying with essential oils and have come up with some amazing body butters of my own!!! Yay me!!!!!!

It snowed here last night and is still snowing a little bit now but it's NOTHING like what came down in DC. They can keep it please!!!!

No matter how hard I try, I am not a morning person. I'm like that dude in the Mickey D's commercial. Do not talk to me until I have my coffee. Except mine is do not talk to me until it's no longer morning!!!! UGH!!!!!!!! I start to warm up to the idea of talking around 11ish. I'm a straight up grouch pretty much before that. Seriously!!!!!!!!!

I've been watching the old episodes of Grey's on Sunday nites. No wonder I fell in love with that show. I miss Burke still. They could seriously bring him back and I'd be seriously happy, seriously.

I need a vacation. I'm not going to say seriously but yeah....

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Delete button please!!!

Last week I was listening to the televison, yeah only listening not watching, when this one certain commercial kept playing over and over again. So when I heard it for the 12th time, I said ok, I'd give it a try. The commercial was for an online dating site. *sigh*

What the hell was I thinking?????? Where is the delete button when you need one???? I feel soooooooo dirty!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!! Yeah I know plenty of folks that have gone online and found the mate of their dreams but um this ish is hard!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus I thought the site was free. NOT!!!!!!!!

So I have a few messages waiting for my response and I can't even see them because no I am not paying x amount of money MONTHLY to get a date or to see if I want to date you. Doesn't that seem a tad bit um CA-RAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYY!!! I am not knocking it but it ain't me baby! I want to delete my profile and pic but I don't see the delete button!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I'm just out there for all the singletons to see!! So damn funny!!!!!!!!!!!

This is soooooooooo unlike me for real but I said I wanted to try new things out this year. I'm so laughing at my silly self for this one. I swear I get caught up all the time with stuff when I act impulsively.

Back to the drawing board... LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Twenty years ago

I can not believe it has been this long since I've seen his face, heard his voice, smelled his cologne, hugged him and was hugged back. I miss my dad. I'd give anything and I do mean anything to see that man in this world again. To hear his hearty laugh, to touch his face, to watch him wash his hands which was the first thing he'd do after coming home from work. To hear him call my name, his name sake. To be comforted by him when I felt as if my little world had been rocked. Just anything! I'd even take his long lectures again. *sigh*

Twenty years is a long time to miss someone who you know will never come back, never hear their voice in real time, never go on road trips with, never just sit and be in their presence.

On January 26, 1990 my dad stopped breathing. He let go, pancreatic cancer took over and invaded his body. He fought for 11 months but on that day he was too weak to fight a second longer. He gave it his all but didn't win that battle. On that day in January my whole world stopped, I wanted to die with him, oh how I wanted to be buried with him. I know I've stated that I never thought I would smile or be happy again on that day so many years ago.

On January 26, 2009 I was sitting with my oncologist mapping out a plan to save my life with toxic drugs to kill the cancer cells that had invaded MY body. Irony man just...irony.

Today, which is January 26, 2010, I'm going to see a dynamic speaker at the cancer center. She totally touched my life last year around this time. That is when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She shared with us that even though it was going to be a battle, that she would EXPECT GREAT THINGS. That was her testimony. You can go through hard times, devastating times but just keep the faith and believe that God will do exceedingly above all, well how can you go wrong?

We've kept in touch over the year through emails and I get to see her again later today. I'm excited because this date usually gives me such grief and I'm usually depressed as hell but now I have something happy to equate with/to it. She's doing well, her treatment is over she shared that with me in her last email and she said on her last treatment day she released the tears and felt so comforted by God. Yall remember my last treatment day, I released those tears and thanked everyone for praying for me constantly and I was soooooooooo eternally grateful to God for seeing me through that illness. I felt COMFORTED, it was over and I had made it.

She said she thinks of me often and that we are sisters on the same journey. Hell this was a journey I never, ever wanted to take but we've both come out on the other side as survivors. But that really made me think, as much as I miss my dad, that on the 20th anniversary of his death I'll be sitting with a "sister" with whom I share a common bond and that she and I both were comforted by our heavenly "Father" just makes me think he had a little bit to do with us meeting.

Twenty years....

Rest in Eternal Peace my beautiful Daddy!!!

Random Monday

Been on fb wayyyyyyyy too much lately and been neglecting the blog. Joined a "Biggest Loser" contest last week at the library. Thought they met every week and as it turns out it's only once a month. Boooooooooo!!! Considering joining a gym to help get rid of these extra pounds I picked up last year.

Everything looks good my doc says get back to exercising with light workouts, nothing strenuous (is that spelled right?) but I must buy that binder first and wear it daily. *sigh* She said no surgery for a minute. I'm happy about that cause surgery sucks! Don't know how long she wants me to wait though. Maybe she's waiting for 6 months after treatment which will put me roughly around April I guess. I haven't had any pain there because I have not been lifting anything heavy, well I tried not to lift anything because I did go to the store and buy 4 cases of water YIKES. Haven't lifted anything since.

Going to see a speaker tomorrow that I totally adore!!! She's the speaker that encouraged me to do a journal of all the cards I rec'd while I was going through treatment and to Expect Great Things everyday. It's been a year for her as well. She was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly before she spoke with us last year and we have been keeping in touch via email. She's doing well and I can't wait until I get to see her smiling face tomorrow. You know some people come into your life and they just touch you with their warm and kind spirit. Yep that's her.

Dollface is officially wishy washy! One minute she's hardcore into studying and the next she's like fuhgitaboutit!!! *sigh* In the words of Monnie, Imma fight that kid!!! LOL!!

We went to see T.he Nex.t Do.or on Saturday and we had plenty of laugh out loud moments.

*Whispers* Church is beginning to feel like a chore again and I don't like that at all. Didn't help that I totally slept through the sermon. I know I ain't the only one to sleep through a sermon am I?

24 tonight, YES!!! Get em' Jack!!!!!!!!!!!

Having no sun for a few days is not good. C'mon where are you sunny days????

Summer is coming soon, oh I guess Spring should come first right? Oh how I love sunny, summer days!!!


Been soooooooo long.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


You know what time it is don't you???? Jack is back baby!!!!!!!! Let's go!!!!

Nothing but Jack for two hours tonight and two hours tomorrow!!


I <3 24!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Well here we are in 2010. A brand new year is underway and how does it start off with me and the Doll? Horribly!!!!!!!!! Whenever she has a break from school, when it's time to get back in the swing of things, we butt heads like two rams!!! 'Cept she's a Lion and I'm the Ram!!!! Two strong signs, both wanting their way. *sigh*

Day two of homework did not go well, not at all!!!

Let's just say she walked out of the room and when I called her back, she wanted NOTHING to do with me. Went straight to my mom and balled like a baby and would not come talk to me until my mother damn near had to push her to go.


You know my heart was crushed!!!! I mean she didn't even want to look at me. She said I pushed her too hard and that she had no clue what she was doing today. I do tend to raise my voice when I KNOW she KNOWS the work but is putting forth absolutely no effort to do it. That ticks me off to no end!!!! Give me something that lets me know you're at least trying. Don't just sit there and stare at your hands kid!!! She wasn't feeling me at all after that.

We've been going through this for years now. Sometimes I don't know how to reach her and sometimes we just hug it out and we make it work. Lately I haven't been so patient and will give up and just say go on to the next subject. I'm no teacher, that's for sure. Today really put me in a bad place. The look on her face just tore me up and I wanted to crawl under a rock and die! By the time she was going home, we were good. I told her she should talk to her teacher first thing in the morning and have her to explain division again because she still doesn't grasp the concept of how and why. Dollface tends to overthink everything. Her teacher has told us this a few times. She knows how to add and multiply but she doesn't get this division thing at all. Seems simple and I tried to break it down into even simpler terms, whereas she understood while I was explaining but when it came to writing the process down she couldn't do it.

She's growing up and quickly. I'm not supergodmommywhocandonowronginhereyes anymore. I don't know if I can handle all of this challenging me stuff. Hell I know I can't handle it!!!

Being a parent/teacher has to be the hardest job ever!!! *big ol heavy sigh*