Monday, January 25, 2010

Twenty years ago

I can not believe it has been this long since I've seen his face, heard his voice, smelled his cologne, hugged him and was hugged back. I miss my dad. I'd give anything and I do mean anything to see that man in this world again. To hear his hearty laugh, to touch his face, to watch him wash his hands which was the first thing he'd do after coming home from work. To hear him call my name, his name sake. To be comforted by him when I felt as if my little world had been rocked. Just anything! I'd even take his long lectures again. *sigh*

Twenty years is a long time to miss someone who you know will never come back, never hear their voice in real time, never go on road trips with, never just sit and be in their presence.

On January 26, 1990 my dad stopped breathing. He let go, pancreatic cancer took over and invaded his body. He fought for 11 months but on that day he was too weak to fight a second longer. He gave it his all but didn't win that battle. On that day in January my whole world stopped, I wanted to die with him, oh how I wanted to be buried with him. I know I've stated that I never thought I would smile or be happy again on that day so many years ago.

On January 26, 2009 I was sitting with my oncologist mapping out a plan to save my life with toxic drugs to kill the cancer cells that had invaded MY body. Irony man just...irony.

Today, which is January 26, 2010, I'm going to see a dynamic speaker at the cancer center. She totally touched my life last year around this time. That is when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She shared with us that even though it was going to be a battle, that she would EXPECT GREAT THINGS. That was her testimony. You can go through hard times, devastating times but just keep the faith and believe that God will do exceedingly above all, well how can you go wrong?

We've kept in touch over the year through emails and I get to see her again later today. I'm excited because this date usually gives me such grief and I'm usually depressed as hell but now I have something happy to equate with/to it. She's doing well, her treatment is over she shared that with me in her last email and she said on her last treatment day she released the tears and felt so comforted by God. Yall remember my last treatment day, I released those tears and thanked everyone for praying for me constantly and I was soooooooooo eternally grateful to God for seeing me through that illness. I felt COMFORTED, it was over and I had made it.

She said she thinks of me often and that we are sisters on the same journey. Hell this was a journey I never, ever wanted to take but we've both come out on the other side as survivors. But that really made me think, as much as I miss my dad, that on the 20th anniversary of his death I'll be sitting with a "sister" with whom I share a common bond and that she and I both were comforted by our heavenly "Father" just makes me think he had a little bit to do with us meeting.

Twenty years....

Rest in Eternal Peace my beautiful Daddy!!!


  1. That was beautiful. I'm so glad that you now have a happy memory to associate with the date.